7 Steps To Build The Bravery Your Success Is Riding On

Fear is an emotion that often gets a bad rap.  The truth is that without it, saber tooth tigers would have eaten our cave dwelling ancestors long ago.  While we no longer face daily threats to our physical survival, the culture we live in thrives on fear mongering and often makes us feel and act as though we do.  And so the challenge we face in our today’s modern world is to discern between the fears that are serving us and those that are holding us back.

That takes courage.

Of course being courageous isn’t about pretending that bad things don’t happen or that real risks are all in our head. It is about choosing to lay our vulnerability on the line for something greater than our pride; risking failure and rejection in order to pursue our greatest aspirations and create more truthful and meaningful lives.

It begins by getting clear about what it is that you most want – in your work or business, relationships and life – and then identifying fear may be inadvertently be holding you back from having it.   Here’s 7 steps to get you started.

1. GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT

Michelangelo once said, “The greater danger is not that our dreams are too lofty and we fail to achieve the but they are too small and we do.”  However most of us are too afraid to dream big because as soon as we do it creates a large crevasse between where we presently are and where we’d like to be.

So beginning where you are, identify an area(s) of your life in which you feel a clear level of dissatisfaction or unhappiness. What would you need to do to be different for you to feel a deep sense of purpose and satisfaction. Don’t get stuck on the external stuff like “I want a top job, big house, or gorgeous girl/guy by my side.”  Rather focus on the feeling that you think these things would give you, i.e., “I want a job that is both challenging & rewarding. I want a relationship with a self-assured and love person who I love hanging out with.”  Get the drill?

Unless you get clear about what you really want – in your career, relationships, health & wellbeing, and life – you’ll have little chance of actually getting it. Dare to dream big.

2. IDENTIFY YOUR DEEPEST FEAR

Fear is not a ‘bad’ thing. Far from it! Rather it’s a question of whether or not your fears are actually serving you (protecting you from REAL threats to your wellbeing) or if they are holding you back keeping you stuck, tip toeing through life and living, as Thoreau called, a “quiet life of desperation.” So what is it that you are afraid might happen if you begin taking action in the direction of your goals and dreams? That you will be humiliated, that you’ll go broke, be rejected or ‘found out’ as inadequate? Whatever your fear, own it. Unless you own your fears, they will own you. The only way to conquer our fear is to look it right in the eye and then step forward in its presence.

3. BE HONEST ABOUT THE COST OF INACTION. 

Don’t kid yourself, inaction and choosing to do nothing, is costly.  Research has identified a psychological phenomenon whereby we human beings tend toward discounting the cost of our choices, even when it’s obvious they are not benefiting us. The reason why? Reality ain’t pretty. The result? We kid ourselves; everything’s hunky dory when really, it’s anything but, and all the while life sails along in a direction that’s taking us far from the life we’d truly love to live. The very act of acknowledging that we are stuck or unhappy is an act of courage all its own, but getting present to the steep price you are paying for letting fear and doubt run your life (or even part of it!) is absolutely crucial to re-creating it the way you want it to be. Only once you have done so can you find the guts to put your fears in their rightful place and be able to rise above them and into action toward whatever tugs at your heart.

4.BREAK YOUR BIG VISION INTO SMALL STEPS

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just the first step.” And so when it comes to doing something that leaves a wide cavernous gap between where you are now and where you ultimately want to be, don’t think that you need to know how to bridge it before you take the first step forward.

What matters most is knowing the direction you want to head, even if you aren’t clear on a specific end-point destination (I sure wasn’t at eighteen!)  Once you know the direction, then think about what you would like to be doing 12 months from now that would be moving you toward it. Then think about what you’d be doing 6 months from now. Then 2 months from now. Then 2 weeks from now. Then tomorrow.  Then today.

5. CREATE ACCOUNTABILITY

Enlist a support team, hire a coach, recruit an accountability partner or join a group of like-minded people. Just make sure you have people around you who are committed to yourself and willing to get on your case if you start to veer off the rails and slip back into your old excuse-laden procrastinating M.O.

6. WALK WITH GIANTS

The people you surround yourself with have a huge impact on how you see yourself, your challenges and the world.  If you want to live a bigger life, you need to surround yourself with people who ‘think big’ and who will encourage you to do the same.  Accordingly, you also want to avoid any people in your life who may discourage your actions and step on your dreams.  While they are really just afraid that you will leave them behind, in the early days as you start out, you should steer clear of people who will only fuel anxiety and feed self-doubt.  Just never let anyone diminish you or your dreams.

7. TRAIN THE BRAVE DAILY

Courage is like a muscle. The more you act with it, the stronger it becomes. Likewise every time you take action in the presence of your fears you dilute its power and amplify your own.  But let’s face it, creating change in your life is a little like getting a 747 off the ground… it takes a lot of energy up front to build forward momentum and get you airborne. Expecting it’s gong to be easy from the get go can set you up for disappointment. Instead of expecting to see immediate results, focus instead on the fact that you are simply in action and every day, do one thing that takes you out of your comfort zone and moving in the direction that inspires you.

Achieving anything worthwhile takes both courage and sheer hard work.  But as you start taking action, you will discover that not only are you capable of more than you thought you were, but you will discover whole new realms of possibility open for you.   It begins with a single act of courage. Followed by another. Then another.  Every significant endeavor that has ever happened throughout history has been the accumulation of thousands of smaller braver steps.

MARGIE WARRELL 

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/7-steps-build-bravery-success-riding/

How To Stop Emotional Eating & Reclaim Your Relationship With Food

If you ever want to emotionally eat, spend, or drink, just remember: You react compulsively when you're scared. Scared to make moves in your life that would fill you up, that would truly nourish you in ways food and shopping can’t.

Fear is a part of life, and in order to break free from it, you must accept it. It’s through accepting your fear that you tap into the part of you that isn’t afraid. You become bigger than your fear and see how it’s just an evolutionary tool that's kept you and your ancestors alive. But when you're not in immediate danger, whatever you’re afraid of is a story in your head.

If you’re afraid of having fear in the first place, if you avoid accepting your fear, then breaking out of what holds you back will feel so massive that you'll use food or spending as an excuse to keep you distracted, safe and small. As a way not to feel your fear — or what you’re afraid of — at all.

When you start accepting your fear, its hold on you relaxes and there’s more space to embrace the unknown. More space to live from your heart, to wake up to the truth that there's nothing to fear. And as you approach your life with more and more courage, your desire to eat when you're not hungry begins to disappear.

When you boldly move in the direction of what you want in your life — toward what feels good, what excites you and what brings you pleasure — you naturally reclaim your power around food and you start to come home to your body.

It all starts by accepting and befriending your fear, and being really nice to yourself when you're scared. It's through love and kindness that you remember there's really nothing to fear.

Here are a few tips on how to let go of fear and reclaim your relationship to food and spending:

1. Take a breath.

Yes, it’s obvious, but taking a breath is really the most immediate way to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and calm yourself down. It automatically brings you to the present moment, releases a layer of fear, and tells your body you are not in immediate danger.

2. Focus on love.

Give yourself a hug, get a hug from someone else, climb under the covers or take a bath. Let yourself feel held by something, reassuring your body that you're safe. Many times, our desire to emotionally eat is fueled by our body’s effort to be hugged and protected with excess weight, so try giving this sensation to your body before you try eating.

Even if you're not experiencing legitimate reason for your fear, give yourself a moment of self-love. It may be the only way your body will know to respond without eating or spending.

3. Tune in.

Open yourself up to receive guidance and support. Look for signs or listen to the sounds around you. Many times when we're receptive to the wisdom in the present moment, we receive the messages we most need to hear in order to break through our fear.

4. Get support.

Get an accountability partner or create a group of friends that you can call on if you find yourself wanting to binge. Find a mentor or work with a personal coach.

5. Experiment.

If all else fails, let yourself eat, spend or drink, and do it from a place of compassionate awareness. We develop these habits for legitimate, life-affirming reasons, so let yourself go through the motions and get curious about how your behavior serves you. Go slowly and be with yourself through the entire experience, from self-judgment to pleasurable release and back again. Take out a journal and write down what you find.

6. Zoom out.

Remember that you're here on this earth for only a short period time. Your life is a tiny speck in the enormity of all existence. That alone might be scary, but realize that any fear you feel is even less significant than you are.

Zooming out to see the big picture of the brief, miraculous nature of life can remind you that you have very little to lose by moving boldly into the unknown. To embrace a full, adventurous, exciting life, filled with joy, pain, pleasure — and who knows what else!

It’s from this place of fullness, of accepting all aspects of life that you truly come home to yourself and your body. When you welcome and invite all that moves through you — including your fear — you see there’s really nothing to be afraid of after all.

Photo Credit: Stocksy

by Allison Dryja

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20034/how-to-stop-emotional-eating-reclaim-your-relationship-with-food.html

5 Unexpected Health Benefits Of Love & Friendship

Most of us are aware of the fact that if we love someone and are loved in return, our overall mental health is enhanced. Happiness is healthy, plain and simple. But the benefits of loving others only get more impressive as we examine them more closely.

Typically, individual well-being is assessed in terms of how well we're doing physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and socially. So let's take a look at how cultivating love and healthy relationships positively affects our health and well-being in these five areas:

1. Physical Health

Oxytocin, often called the "cuddle chemical," is a hormone released when we touch someone we care about. (It's also a factor in our connection with animal companions). Many of us know that this hormone increases with regular sexual intercourse, but we also have more of it in our systems when we are simply hanging out and having fun with friends.

So the more loving our connections, the more we amass this fabulous chemical, which is known to lower blood pressure, decrease stress and even boost immunity. Oxytocin reduces aches and pains, increases energy and enables us to experience life more often on the upbeat.

In fact, studies of psychology and aging show that loneliness increases blood pressure while the feeling of being "connected" lowers it. Studies also show how oxytocin overrides fear and reduces anxiety, which is why people do such great (and also "crazy") things in the name of love. Yet this chemical also improves our ability to recognize and respond appropriately to social cues and enhances all aspects of our well-being.

2. Intellectual Health

Intellectual health involves increased alertness, knowledge and common sense. Sure, we can cultivate our intellectual health with books, cultural events and other formal educational experiences. But we can also learn an incredible amount from the people we surround ourselves with.

A person who exhibits intellectual health is able to access their own gifts. From that awareness they can tap into their capacity for creativity. But it's also inarguable that our connections to others feed all of these self-discoveries. We learn through building our relationships and learning to improve our communication with others: opening up, listening to others open up, and simply having fun all sharpen our emotional intelligence.

Smart people make good decisions after some thoughtful consideration to decide how to move forward. Brainstorming often is an invaluable part of the process, whether on social media or through a tête-à-tête with a friend. Such connections increase our skill and capacity to think, respond, cultivate resilience and expand our minds.

3. Emotional Health

Studies have found that people who maintain close relationships with others are less likely to suffer from clinical depression. There's a reason, of course, which isn't often articulated: to maintain successful relationships, we will have already learned to manage our own emotions in healthy ways.

In fact, that kind of accountability to oneself is a prerequisite to successful connections. If we have already cultivated self-awareness, we most likely will also have developed social skills, including the ability to read social cues and show appreciation, care and concern for others. These skills establish the healthy ground on which relationships can thrive.

4. Spiritual Health

Let's face it: humans are imperfect and often annoying. We hurt one another's feelings. We fall into the traps of assumptions and unmet expectations. We let one another down.

But people who have successful long-term relationships practice generosity, forgiveness, patience and acceptance. Gratitude and appreciation are often said to be the most important qualities in a successful relationship, and there is much research to support this assertion. Studies suggest that communicating gratitude actually contributes to neuroplasticity — our brain's ability to make changes in response to our experiences. More generally, these are the benefits of practicing mindfulness. The more we practice being thankful, for ourselves, others and for life itself, the easier and more natural the feeling becomes.

5. Social Health

Successful relationships require us to develop particular skills: to be supportive without attempting to "fix" the problem, to communicate warmth without intruding on another's privacy and to manage conflict without damaging our connections. To understand how to traverse the slippery slope of good boundary management is essential to healthy connection. The reach of such skills extends to our relationships with other loved ones, and carries over to enhance the power and meaning of our interactions in the workplace and in community life.

In the wellness space, we're swamped by information overload about what to do and what not to do in order to remain healthy and live longer. We hear the latest about the benefits of kale and the detriments of BPA in plastic. Sometimes the information is contradictory or the research confusing, and much of it changes on a regular basis. What does stay consistent, however, is that healthy connections with others means fewer visits to the doctor, shorter stays at the hospital and a longer life span. This is undeniable.

The Beatles were right when they sang, "I just need someone to love." We all do. In fact, we need a community of people to love. It will reward us with health in all areas of our lives.

Photo Credit: Stocksy

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17284/5-unexpected-health-benefits-of-love-friendship.html