4 Things You Need to Hear When You’re Emotionally Exhausted

“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John De Paola

You’re on the verge of burnout.

You’re unmotivated to perform even the simplest of tasks. You’re physically and emotionally isolated. Slight annoyances cause you to snap.

You may be blaming your work, other people, or circumstances. But if you dig a little deeper, you may be surprised to learn that your own choices have led to emotional exhaustion. This is good news because it means that you can alleviate your own pain without the permission or blessing of another person.

In my junior year of college, I experienced a bout of intense mental and emotional exhaustion. I was pursuing two demanding majors and the heavy workload had finally caught up with me.

Desperate to find a way to motivate myself to finish college, I bought Tony Robbins’ Personal Power motivational program after watching his infomercial on late night television.

As I delved into the lessons, I fully expected Tony Robbins to motivate me back to good emotional health. Instead, I learned that I needed to take full responsibility for my emotional state. I learned that I had all the tools I needed to nurse myself back to emotional and spiritual health.

When I was emotionally exhausted, I realized that my own body was trying to communicate its needs to me. I just needed to listen.

If you’re on the brink of burnout, here are some things your body may be trying to tell you:

1. You need to trust your intuition.

I started college as a music major. Though I’d always had a passion for music, I decided to take on computer science as well in order to be practical.

I still remember the day I made that decision. It was the second day of classes and panic had set in. I kept having the thought “I’ll never be able to support myself as a musician.” The stereotype of the struggling artist was burned into my brain.

As I rushed to my academic advisor’s office that morning, I told myself I was making a rational choice. I did well at math and science in high school and it only made sense to build on these skills in order to secure a good paying job.

Intuitively, I knew I was wrong. I already knew deep down that I would not enjoy studying computer science. I knew that I could trust my musical gifts to create income. But I decided to ignore my intuition and went with the rational choice instead. My emotional exhaustion was the price I paid for choosing this path.

While I completed both degrees in the end, it is my music degree that provides my income and enjoyment.

Are you currently pursuing something you know isn’t right for you? Are you exhausted by the emotional conflict created in choosing what’s practical versus what you love? Do you lack motivation because your life is devoid of joy, fulfillment, or meaning? Your exhaustion may be an invitation to trust your own intuition.

 

2. It’s okay to ask for help.

As an international student studying in the U.S., I often felt alone. My family and support systems were far away. I underestimated how vulnerable I would feel being in a different culture. My initial reaction to this vulnerability was to fool myself into thinking I could go it alone.

In the Personal Power program, I learned that we need to feel connected to others in order to feel alive. By denying my vulnerability and my need for connection, I suffered mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Once I’d suffered enough, I decided to embrace my vulnerability and reach out to others. It made all the difference.

Emotional exhaustion can leave one feeling intensely vulnerable. It can be hard to ask for help for fear of being viewed as a failure or as someone who is unable to manage their own lives. But in your exhaustion is the presence of a deep truth: It’s okay to ask for help because you were never meant to go it alone.

3. Be patient.

Collectively, we’ve lost our capacity for patience. Our deepest needs are constantly being eclipsed by our immediate wants. And all the while we struggle to tell the difference.

During my college years, I was very ambitious academically. There’s nothing wrong with ambition. But when unbalanced, ambition can give way to disillusionment and emotional burnout.

My desire for success left me feeling impatient. I took full course loads every semester. I rarely made time for leisure, play, and rest. I’d given up my need for balance in favor of assured academic success.

But my emotional exhaustion was a wake up call that this strategy was not working. It was a sign that I needed to slow down, reorder my priorities, and think about success more holistically.

Are you currently on the fast track to emotional exhaustion? It may be time to slow down.

 

4. Surrender.

In my quest to be in full control of my future and ensure my happiness, I nearly burned out in college.

My emotional exhaustion was an invitation to face the reality that I don’t control everything.

In his book The Surrender Experiment, Michael Singer poses this question:

“Am I better off making up an alternative reality in my mind and then fighting with reality to make it be my way, or am I better off letting go of what I want and serving the same forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection of the universe around me?”

After years of fighting, I decided to trust in forces larger than myself. I still worked and studied hard, but I also gradually let go the expectations and pressures I’d created for myself. I created space for leisure, rest, and personal development.

Sometimes the only thing you can do when you’re emotionally exhausted is to surrender. Befriend it and allow the process to be part of your healing.

Are You Listening?

Next time you’re feeling emotionally exhausted, treat it as an opportunity to listen to yourself.

You don’t need to tough it out, double down, or assign blame.

Just take some time out to listen, reflect, and respond.

You won’t regret it.

Stressed man image via Shutterstock

By Cylon George

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-things-need-hear-youre-emotionally-exhausted/

Stop Pushing Yourself: 10 Crucial Steps to Avoid Burnout

“I actually think burnout is the wrong description of it. I think it’s ‘burn up.’ Physiologically, that is what you are doing because of the chronic stress being placed on your body.” ~Richard Boyatzis

Some years ago, when my mother told me that a friend of hers had experienced burnout, I didn’t really listen. Actually, I didn’t want to hear about it. I even felt irritated because she felt sorry for people who got burned out.

My opinion was that they were just being ridiculous and exaggerating.

It was an excuse, supported by a medical certificate from some doctor they knew well, so that they could stay home, plant basil in the garden, drink tea, and read good books in front of the fire. They were simply lazy folks who just couldn’t be bothered working.

Some lessons are learned the hard way. Others, really hard. A last few change you for life.

For me, burnout was life-changing; it turned my aggressive skepticism into factual knowledge. Almost annihilated by the beast of burnout, I’ve recovered, humbled and grateful to be alive.

The other day I sat down and flipped through my journals from the past years. It was overwhelming. I felt so heartbreakingly sad for myself, for what I’ve put myself through.

There was page after page of me worrying about alarming issues and symptoms I was experiencing, for a period of several years. There were lists of points I raised with my doctor, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. He kept saying the same thing over and over, but it was impossible for me to take it in.

He said, “Be careful, Mrs. Torneryd. You have all the symptoms of a textbook burnout.” My answer was always the same: “I cannot get burned out. It can’t happen to me; I’m not that type of person.”

Some of the points from my diary:

• When in bed, I can’t remember if I’ve brushed my teeth.
• I feel panic while driving; other cars are getting too close to me.
• My skin is a mess, and my hair looks dead.
• I’ve experienced three double-sided pneumonias over the past eleven months.
• I have constant ringing in my ears.
• Even when I sleep, I don’t let my head rest on the pillow.
• I wake up around twenty times per night (cramp, sweat, pee).
• I feel pressure over my chest, and I can’t breathe properly.
• My heart is very often offbeat.
• My intestines are destroyed; I look eight months pregnant ten minutes after every meal. I even pooped myself in the super-market—with no premonition.
• My gallstones are stuck in the bile duct, requiring surgery.

I was in a constant state of “I can’t do this anymore,” but there was nothing major I could change for instant relief. It was a combination of circumstances: the aftermath of bad choices, my workload, and my competitive character.

Every part of me—body, mind, and soul—was desperate to stop the life-drenching feeling of having nothing left in me to give or take from. I was wasted, worn-out, and destroyed.

Even so, I just kept going, repeating to myself, “When you’re down and out, there’s always 20 percent of your strength left” (a quote from martial art trainer). And I kept using my remaining strength over and over again.

People talk about “hitting the wall.” I hit that wall about five years ago—full speed, head first.

Since then, I’ve been forcing forward through concrete, screws, electric wires, and bricks. Then it happened: I made it through that thick wall, only to realize that on the other side was nothing but a fathomless, evil black hole. I fell until I crash landed, and then there was nothing left of me.

On the 17th of February 2014, my body collapsed. I had my first full-blown panic attack, immediately followed by a second one.

At first, it felt like my spine muscle cramped. I tried stretching and rubbing against a door post, in vain. I couldn’t breathe properly.

My lungs started pumping frenetically, and I could do nothing to stop it. It felt like I was suffocating. I seriously thought that I was having a heart attack and would die. Eventually, I passed out.

I finally accepted the message my body had been trying to communicate to me for years—I needed to make monumental changes in my situation, then and there, or I would lose my sanity, at the least.

For the first four weeks of my sick leave, I did nothing but sleep. It was not by choice. I simply collapsed—on the sofa, my bed, and even on the floor. I just couldn’t stay awake.

After the sleep marathon came sadness. I felt so incredibly sad, alone, and abandoned. I felt betrayed by society and my employer.

When I didn’t feel any more sadness, I started my healing journey to peace and acceptance and began reading self-help books. Every day I made an effort to rescue myself.

Eventually, a shift took place. Step-by-step, I built myself a ladder, careful not to go back to the wall I’d fallen out of, and I started to see the light at the top of that horrid black hole.

You don’t need to push yourself to this point—not if you follow these steps to avoid an imminent burnout:

1. Accept your limits.

It is not admirable to push yourself when your body and mind beg you to stop.

2. Clarify major energy thieves and avoid them.

Limit your contact with people who drain you, make hurtful comments, and complain. Pay your bills on time. Clean your home so you feel calm there, not stressed and surrounded by chaos. Eat fresh food and spend less time distracting yourself with technology.

3. Value yourself first.

Fear of rejection is also self-rejection; stop worrying about others’ opinions.

4. Get support and perspective.

Trust someone close with your feelings and challenges.

5. Ask for help.

It actually feels quite wonderful to receive.

6. Make choices that are good for you and make you happier, healthier, and stronger.

Get enough sleep to keep cortisol (the stress hormone) levels down, and don’t skip breakfast!

7. Get twenty minutes of sun every day.

This gives your body the Vitamin D it needs to function properly, though you can also get it from a supplement.

8. Get low-impact exercise three times per week.

When we exercise, the brain releases the “happy hormone” endorphin.

9. Don’t push yourself too far for the sake of progress.

Strive to improve, but never push yourself if you feel it’s hurting you.

10. Never ignore your intuition.

Listen to your body and do all you can to be kind to yourself.

Obviously, burnout is not some fake thing lazy folks pretend to have so they can stay home from work.

It is a force that can knock you out completely, making it difficult to deal with the simplest of tasks, like taking a shower or cooking a meal; and almost impossible to handle normal things, like leaving your home, shopping for food, and answering phone calls.

I officially apologize for all my previously judgmental thoughts on this area.

You don’t get burned out because you’re too weak. You get burned out because you’ve tried to stay strong for way too long!

Relaxed man image via Shutterstock

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-pushing-10-crucial-steps-avoid-burnout/