21 Signs You’re Experiencing “Soul Loss”

In our society, there is a mysterious phenomenon occurring known as "Soul Loss" arising in all people of all ages, genders, races and backgrounds.

Indigenous people have known about the occurrence of Soul Loss for millennia, and understand it as the result of an inner fragmentation caused by unawareness, a traumatic experience, or, an intense shock to the mind and body.

When we experience Soul Loss, a part of our Soul - or living essence - 'hides' or shuts away, hindering us from expressing and experiencing our true potential and wholeness as human beings.  Often times entire aspects of our psyches are completely blocked out or repressed.

While for many of us Soul Loss may sound uncomfortably familiar, this experience is usually temporary, and with the proper Soul Work these lost elements of ourselves can be reintegrated into our lives.

 

What Is Soul Loss?

During my introduction to shamanism and the methods of ritualistic 'soul retrieval', the basic understanding of Soul Loss that was expressed was that parts of our souls travel off into other realms, or alternate realities, sometimes being possessed by spirits.  In the shamanistic perspective, when these parts of our souls are not recovered, we can't seem to find inner completion or wholeness.

Before psychology, this explanation was the only way primal cultures could explain such a common phenomenon in order to find ways to treat it - and it was immensely effective.

Soul loss is in fact the rule rather than the exception.  As individuals, unless we have become Awakened Souls we lose our soulful energy every time we identify with our ego's; every time we seek to feel whole through addictions, stimulation seeking, dogmatic beliefs, conditional relationships, and workaholism.

Aside from our incapacity to feel whole, when we experience Soul Loss we begin experiencing feelings of weakness, fatigue, depression, anxiety and emptiness.  We just know something is missing from our lives - but many of us struggle to discoverwhat exactly is missing.  To understand Soul Loss as a loss, or disconnection, from the most vital parts of who we are, is known in psychology as 'dissociation' - a root of many mental maladies.

The Psychology Behind Soul Loss

Once we recognize our souls (or consciousness) as an intensity of energy - anything that creates a reduction in this energy will result in listlessness, moroseness, and depression.

To create an imbalance within the psyche is to allow the individual parts of the personality (e.g. the shadow self, anima, animus, etc.) to make themselvesindependent and thus escape the control of the conscious mind.

Psychologist Carl Jung understood this process as relating to our 'psychic libido'.  Jung proposed that our psychological personalities were composed of different 'complexes' (or parts of our sense of self), and the primary one of those responsible for control over all the others was our 'ego' which is the mental image we have of ourselves, or what we believe ourselves to be.  Our conscious energy can be weakened due to one of these 'complexes' escaping the control of our ego and becoming autonomous, therefore leeching all of our 'psychic libido' energy and creating a psychological imbalance that shatters our natural wholeness.

So what causes one of our psychological 'complexes' to emancipate itself and become a tyrannical usurper of consciousness?  Often the answer is that identifying with something harmful, or experiencing a trauma of some kind creates this phenomenon.

 

An extreme example might help us understand better:

Imagine that a young child is molested or abused.  In order to cope with the horrendous experience, the child escapes by disassociating, or detaching themselves, from the situation.  In the process of protecting themselves, the child creates various alter ego's, or entirely different personalities within themselves as a defense mechanism.  In psychology, this is treated as "multiple personality disorder" (now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder).  It is easy to understand how tribal cultures would have perceived this as a loss of the Soul.  But essentially, psychological disassociation is nature's way of protecting our physical organism against intense trauma and loss by blocking these wounding situations out.  In the end however, it is our responsibility to protect our spiritual organism, our soul.

But Soul Loss, or psychological disassociation, is not limited to these extreme cases and can be found in different degrees in most people.  Addictions, eating disorders, identity disorders, post traumatic stress, depression, codependency, narcissism, low self-esteem, and adjustment disorders are all common causes for Soul Loss in our superficial, fast-paced, materialistic modern societies that are mostly devoid of all sense of sacredness.

A young woman who dreams of being an artist but has to live up to her parent's expectations of being a doctor will lose a little bit of her soul, ignoring an essential part of her being.  Or suppose the young woman does go ahead and follows her dream of being an artist, but deep down she still depends on her parent's approval.  She then either blames them to avoid taking responsibility for pursuing her passion, or she grows low in self-esteem because she is not accepted by them.  This story might sound familiar to you.

Fortunately there are many ways of finding wholeness again.  A lot of the material Luna and I write for LonerWolf is a form of 'Soul Retrieval", where we help you to become aware of aspects within yourself that you may have been ignoring.  We do this by encouraging the development of authenticity, for self-exploration, self-loveand self-transformation.

Next, you will be able to apply this knowledge of Soul Loss to yourself.  Are you experiencing it?

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Soul Loss

There are a variety of physical, psychological and spiritual symptoms pertaining to Soul Loss.  When we experience Soul Loss - or parts of our soul 'hiding away' or disassociating from us - the result is a loss in soulful energy, or the very vitality of our lives.  This loss of energy prevents us from living healthy, fulfilling and creative lives.  Sometimes Soul Loss can last for a whole lifetime, resulting in the development of a self-destructive person who we often refer to as a "Lost Soul" in our language.

To recover these lost parts of ourselves, and to become balanced, whole and centered once again, we must first identify the symptoms of Soul Loss within us.  Below you will find some of the most common symptoms:

• Memories and parts of your life have been blocked out.
• You experience strong periods of depression.
• Parts within yourself feel missing or broken.
• You experience a general numbness to life.
• Constant feelings of fear or anxiety plague you.
• You go through long periods of insomnia.
• You feel lost or incomplete.
• You feel like a 'different person' after a shocking or traumatic life event.
• You feel stuck or incapable of overcoming a certain issue in your life.
• You feel disappointed with life.
• You feel as though there are multiple "selves" within you.
• You try to escape by turning to alcohol, drugs, sex, television, or excessive busyness.
• You feel unworthy of being loved.
• You are experiencing a dark night of the soul.
• You want to find your purpose and meaning in life.
• You feel like your daily life is meaningless and task-driven.
• You avoid feeling vulnerable and keep others at a distance.
• You long for wholeness and a sense of belonging.
• You sometimes feel that you're not in control of yourself.
• You constantly feel mentally or physically fatigued for no medical reason.
• You thirst for authenticity and complete acceptance of yourself.

***

To be healthy, to feel whole and to live a harmonious life, you must recover the vital lost parts of yourself by learning to live a life of balance, authenticity and self-love.

Finding the fragments that are lost and restoring them in your life is to return to your innate wholeness, to restore the essential vitality that is your Soul.  To learn to slowly reintegrate the lost elements of your Soul through the practice of Involutionis to live a life of mindful, heart-centered and bodily alignment.

Photo by: Angela Henrlette

by MATEO SOL 

http://lonerwolf.com/soul-loss/

How to Let Go of Toxic Friendships Consciously

Having a good network of supportive friends can help you to lead a more fulfilled life and studies even show that those with supportive friends live longer and report being happier.

There is no doubt that being in the company of good friends can put a smile on your face and cheer you up on even the glummest days, but what happens when these friendships turn toxic?

Toxic friendships can occur over time or can be present right from the beginning. Sometimes it may take years to even notice that your friendship is becoming more draining than it is enjoyable.

Friends are also often given the benefit of the doubt. We all go through hard times now and again, and sometimes it can be easy to chalk their toxic ways up to their past pains or their current life situation.

But when is enough, enough? When is it time to walk away from the friendship?

Firstly, it is important to recognise the signs of a toxic friendship. Sometimes it can be hard to realise these signs because, well, they are our friends and we want to believe the best in them.

Here is what a toxic friendship may look like-

• They only reach out to you when they need or want something but the favour is rarely returned.

• You subconsciously or consciously avoid seeing them or feel a sigh of relief after they leave.

• They need you for absolutely everything and ask for advice, money or consistent support without respect for your boundaries or time.

• You are both in constant conflict with each other or there is an underlying current of tension or passive aggressiveness.

• They make mean or hurtful comments about you or make you the brunt of all their jokes.

• They put you down, belittle you or make you feel worthless, especially in front of others.

• They constantly compare themselves to you, or compete with you on things. Maybe you even find yourself doing things or hiding things to constantly please them.

• When you try to address issues with them they get defensive, are never willing to accept responsibility or turn things back on you.

• They betray your trust or share your private stories with others.

• They consistently speak badly about other friends behind their backs.

• They don’t take an active interest in your life or what you are up to and instead talk about themselves or their problems all the time.

The most important thing to remember when it comes to determining if your friendship is toxic is how you feel.

If you feel uncomfortable or if your gut feeling tells you something is off with this person, perhaps it is time to listen and stand your ground.

When dealing with toxic friends, the first thing to do is assert your boundaries. Often when you start doing this, either your friend will shift or change their ways or slowly drift away from your life altogether.

Toxic friends usually need to “feed off” others energetically, similar to an energetic vampire, so once you set boundaries and stick to them, usually the rest will take care of itself.

It is also important to remember that your friend is not a bad person or toxic to everyone, this person could just appear toxic to you because of your energy and where you are at in your own journey.

Everyone is different and everyone is following their own path and process in this life. Try not to judge and instead just focus on staying true to yourself and what you need.

Ending a toxic friendship is not about blaming the other person, it is simply a way that you are taking care of yourself and your own needs.

To end the friendship you may want to try-

• Slowly creating some distance between the two of you: toxic friendships can be difficult to end without drama. After all, often the toxic friend thrives on drama. Depending on the friendship, you may just want to start putting some distance between the two of you rather than ending things altogether. Put emphasis on hanging out with other friends and doing your own thing. Eventually overtime, this may ease the feelings of toxicity between the two of you.

• Being simply honest with them: you do not owe your friend a giant explanation as to why you want to end things, but letting them know your honest truth may be beneficial. Simply tell them how you really feel and that you need some time apart or distance. Remember, don’t let them argue with you about this. Your feelings are not up for debate.

• Energetically protecting yourself: if separating yourself from this friend is not entirely possible, you may want to use some energetic tools of protection. This includes staying positive about the situation, honouring and acknowledging your friend for who they are and understanding that there is a learning process for both of you in this. When you raise your vibration and energy, these types of people also automatically shift away from your life.

Ending a friendship can truly be as heartbreaking and as difficult as ending a romantic relationship, however if things are really getting toxic and you are feeling negative about your experience with this person, perhaps it is better to say goodbye.

Everyone comes into our life for a reason. There is a lesson in your toxic friendship for you as well, and perhaps the lesson is learning how to honor, trust and respect yourself before you can expect others to.

by Tanaaz

http://foreverconscious.com/letting-go-toxic-friendships

The last time.

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,

you will never be the same.

You might long for the person you were before,

When you had freedom and time,

And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,

And days will run into days that are exactly the same,

Full of feeding and burping,

Whining and fighting,

Naps, or lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget…

There is a last time for everything.

There will come a time when you will feed your baby

for the very last time.

They will fall asleep on you after a long day

And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip,

then set them down,

And never pick them up that way again.

You will scrub their hair in the bath one night

And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.

They will hold your hand to cross the road,

Then never reach for it again.

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,

And it will be the last night you ever wake for this.

One afternoon you will sing ‘the wheels on the bus’

and do all the actions,

Then you’ll never sing that song again.

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,

the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your

last dirty face.

They will one day run to you with arms raised,

for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time

until there are no more times, and even then,

it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,

remember there are only so many of them and

when they are gone,

you will yearn for just one more day of them

For one last time.

~~Author unknown~~

http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/the-last-time/

How to Make Turmeric Tea Part of Your Anti-Cancer Diet (Recipe)

The common Indian spice turmeric has been in use for more than 5,000 years. The active ingredient in turmeric is curcumin, which is known for its antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial, and anticarcinogenic activities.

Multiple studies have demonstrated turmeric’s potent cancer-fighting properties. According to the authors of a 2015 study published in the journal Molecules, “Research to date suggests that chronic inflammation, oxidative stress, and most chronic diseases are closely linked, and the antioxidant properties of curcumin can play a key role in the prevention and treatment of chronic inflammation diseases.”

While there are many tasty ways to incorporate curcumin into your diet, one of the easiest ways is by making turmeric tea. This creamy turmeric tea recipe combines the power of curcumin with other potent cancer fighting spices such as cinnamon, cloves, and ginger.

This delicious tea can be enjoyed hot, or turned into an iced turmeric tea “latté” by serving over ice. Be sure to use only organic, non-irradiated spices to receive the most anti-cancer benefits possible.

How to Make Turmeric Tea (Recipe)

Yield: 1-2 servings
Preparation Time: 5-10 minutes

Ingredients:

• 1 1⁄2 teaspoons turmeric powder
• 1⁄2 teaspoon Ceylon or regular cinnamon
• 1⁄2 teaspoon fresh ginger, chopped OR 1⁄4 tsp ground ginger
• 1⁄8 teaspoon ground cloves
• 2 pinches of ground cardamom
• 1 teaspoon raw cold pressed coconut oil
• 1 1⁄2 cups fresh coconut or almond milk OR purified water (water makes it less creamy)
• Dash of black pepper, freshly ground
• Raw honey OR coconut nectar1 OR Lakanto2 to taste
• Cinnamon stick or a sprinkle of spices for garnish (optional)

Directions:

1. Blend all ingredients in a blender on high speed setting until smooth.
2. Pour into a small pot and heat on low temperature until nearly simmering, approximately three minutes.
3. Remove from heat and serve immediately in a mug, garnished with a cinnamon stick.
4. For an Iced Turmeric Tea Latté, allow to cool and pour into a glass filled with ice cubes. Sprinkle with extra spices if desired.

Curious what Ty and our family do to ensure we get our daily dose of Turmeric?
Go here to find out the simple solution today 

Sources:

1Coconut nectar can be found in some specialty grocery stores and is readily available online. Coconut nectar is exceptionally high in enzymes, nutrient rich, and is low glycemic, so it’s an excellent sugar substitute.

2Lakanto (Wholesome Sweeteners Brand) is a one to one sugar substitute available at Whole Foods. This is a superior sweetener for ketogenic diets and low glycemic needs.

By Charlene Bollinger

https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/turmeric-tea-recipe/

The Best Hair Beauty Habits You Need To Embrace To Wake Up With Perfect Hair

What makes you leave your home late every day? Your long makeup routine, your endless trial-and-error outfit search, or your daunting hair styling routine? If your answer is the latter, this article is for you!

If your hair needs extensive styling in the morning, you need to review your bedtime routine, which is probably the reason you wake up with frizzy, hard-to-tame hair in the morning. Despite general misconceptions, the evening is the perfect time to soak in conditioner on your hair and leave all the vitamins to act until the morning. There is a lot to hair care in the evening, so ditch the morning styling and change the way your hair looks. Here is how to get your hair to look perfect from the first minute you wake up, by embracing before-bed hair beauty routines.

1. Apply your hair treatment in the evening

The best way to moisturize your hair and avoid a bad hair day is to condition it and apply hair treatments on a regular basis. Apply your favorite hair oil or mask on your damaged hair before going to bed. Then, tie your hair in a braid and wrap it in a scarf and go to sleep. In the morning, avoid your regular hair care shower mistakes and apply the shampoo on your dry, oily hair first, then jump in the shower.

2. Silky sleeping habits

If you want to have beautiful, healthy hair, you need to switch your pillowcase with a silk pillowcase. This is because hair becomes trapped in other materials, making it prone to breakage as you turn around in your sleep. Silk, on the other hand, allows your hair to slide over it. If you are not comfortable with the thought of sleeping on silk, just wrap your hair in a silk scarf, which will protect it and will keep any vitamin masks on the hair, preventing them from soaking into your pillowcase.

3. No metal on your hair

Most people with long hair tie it for the night to avoid dealing with knots in the morning. This is a good practice, but make sure you don’t use a hair tie with metal, as it can break your strands. Instead, use a fabric tie and make a loose bun or a loose braid for the night to protect your hair.

4. Tight is not right

While securing your hair somehow is a good idea, you need to make sure you’re not tying it up too tight. The old saying that a tight ponytail will make you lose hair by thinning and will make your hairline move backward is true, so each time you prepare for sleep, tie your hair loosely. If it can stay put and it’s comfortable enough to sleep with, you’ve got it right.

5. Showering in the evening and wet hair

The best time to wash your hair is the evening, when you can allow it to dry naturally without using heat. However, make sure you don’t go to bed with wet hair, as this is a major mistake. Wet hair is prone to overstretching and breaking, which is also why you should never brush your hair when it’s still wet. Speaking of wet hair, the common towel wrap is also a huge mistake, as it leads to the same unfortunate event: breakage! To dry your hair with a towel, just blot out the water from your hair, then leave nature to do the rest.

6. Don’t sleep with the AC on

Sleeping in a dry room is going to dry your skin as well as your hair, so it’s better to turn off the air conditioner before you go to sleep. This will allow your hair to look shiny in the morning. If needed, you can use a humidifier to provide your mane with the moisture it needs to look good the next day.

Featured photo credit: Michael Fertig via unsplash.com

BY HELENA NEGRU

http://www.lifehack.org/408153/the-best-hair-beauty-habits-you-need-to-embrace-to-wake-up-with-perfect-hair

There’s an Awakening Happening and You’re a Part of It (with Gregg Braden)

Society is slowly evolving into a collective consciousness that has disengaged from the false narratives that have been manipulated into official ‘truths’ for humanity. That’s right, if you don’t know yet; we’ve all been deceived in many ways and we all have a responsibility to do our research and play our small part to help out our fellow man and our future generations.

The good news is that individuals are unplugging from this matrix of delusion at an ever-increasing rate, which is fuelling a tipping point for basically the whole world to awaken in a domino-like effect. This global awakening has been a long time in the making and is characterized by two equally important parts.

The first is that we all need to come together to facilitate the social changes we desperately need as a uniting global culture. We have made some great progress and shown some genius qualities to get to where we are today; however the tragic reality is that our collective and environmental health is suffering on a wide-spread scale.

There are epidemics of dysfunctional, disharmonious and destructive realities which have resulted from not just the shadow government that runs our world, but also the fact that we continue to ‘choose’ to organize, collaborate and act on a global scale in the manner that we’ve been provided. For a straightforward introduction to these issues, 11 Toxic Realities Society is Finally Waking Up About is a must read.

The second is a philosophical shift which understands that consciousness, not matter, is the core component of our interconnected reality. Individuals and even entire cultures and traditions have known this for centuries; however for the first time in our known history this is being embraced on a planetary scale.

Given that science has now taken the lead for how humanity views the world, we should expect it to be an unbiased and progressive description of it. The harsh truth though is that science has been hijacked by a false philosophy of reality called materialism, so it has not ethically done its job of bringing this spiritual ‘truth’ into the mainstream mindset.

The fields of quantum physics, psychology and parapsychology have conclusively shown why we need to move to a post-materialist era of human consensus. Scientists and laymen alike are awakening to this fact through not just the art of science, but also the art of experience. Simply, with the right type of perspective, we can open our minds and hearts to the symbolism that exists in our day to day experience, as well as the subtle and explicit synchronicities that occur throughout our lives.

Time for Reflection

Can you feel the momentum building for the conscious society? One in which the masses have awoken to both the spiritual and systemic revolution that is required for humanity’s evolution?

You’d have to be deep in the matrix if you can’t sense it. Yet, even if you are, look within yourself and feel the changes that have been happening in your own life. They are a reflection of what’s happening outside of you; the energy of our era is propelling us towards the inevitable moment when the people take back the power to organize their lives in a way which is actually conducive to their physical, mental, emotional, intellectual and spiritual health, as well as their life vitality.

Beware though; we need to be patient. This is a spiritual process which has been happening for all of eternity.

So, given we’re all a part of this process, you need to ask yourself: “How awake am I?”:

• Are your beliefs about the world continuing to be shaped by the matrix-media, or have you accepted that the mainstream channels are limiting your potential in mind and heart?
• Do you realize yet that the materialist paradigm is a shallow, dogmatic and inaccurate conception of existence?
• What about the fact that our world is run by a shadow order in which the banking sector, along with the media, are their primary control mechanisms?
• Do you see that the political framework has been hijacked by big money and big business?
• Is it obvious that the wars that our families have been thrown into are part of the agenda of the military-industrial-media-politico-banking complex?
• Is the corporate monopolization of our resources obvious to you?
• Have you locked it in that the pharmaceutical giants want customers, not cures?
• Are you conscious that our food, medicine, water and air is becoming more toxic?
• Does the way that we treat our fellow sentient beings through the animal-agriculture industry disgust you?
• Do you acknowledge that so-called experts are less hit than miss, including journalists, doctors, politicians, scientists, academics and gurus?

I mean shit, this stuff is clear as day once you’ve been shaken from your slumber. The entire official narrative on life makes those who see right through it feel like they’re living in crazy town. Really, it’s so embrassing for our species that I feel like at any stage now our so-called leaders are going to come out and say “Haha, got ya’s, it was just a joke”.

But it’s not; this is as real as fuck. There’s no need to be afraid though; there’s plenty of amazing people who have designed the progressive and honorable ways forward for humanity.

So, in that light, let’s look forward:

• Have you been able to accept that there are radically different ways in which we can organize and economize our societies, so that everyone benefits?
• Is it clear to you that your human and animal families deserve justice?
• Are you living a life which connects you to the deeper truths of your spiritual nature?
• Do you recognize the real values of life such as connection, community, compassion and creativity?
• Are you tapped into the real reflections of self-worth such as love, honor, truth, authenticity and giving back to those around you?
• Have you compelled yourself to think and act beyond your own personal bubble?

Let’s hope so, but it’s understandable if not, because it is bloody challenging. We live in a world characterized by both positive and negative energy, so unfortunately many people get lost in the victim mentality. If that’s you, I’ll give you a tip; embrace and respect both sides of the duality and contextualize it into the oneness that permeates our entire existence.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, the truth remains that we’re in a particularly dark part of the macro-cycle right now which is why the mainstream reality is full of fraud, lies, deception, deceit, hypocrisy and treachery. But, it’s moving fast, it’s changing fast, and so should we.

Seriously, you should stand up and be counted as a genuine agent in the transformation of our collective mindscape so that we can make the process of weeding out the social dysfunctions and systemic oppressors as effective and efficient as we can.

Simply, it’s all of our responsibility. Own it.

For a short and sharp account of the ‘choice point’ that humanity is faced with, watch this interview by The Conscious Society Youtube Channel with the renowned Gregg Braden. And for follow up research, there are many articles linked below too.

Phillip J. Watt 

http://themindunleashed.org/2016/01/theres-an-awakening-happening-and-youre-a-part-of-it-with-gregg-braden.html

8 Warning Signs Someone You Love is a Highly Functioning Alcoholic

Picture an alcoholic; what comes to mind? Someone who can't hold down a job, someone who alienates everyone in their life, or maybe someone who's lost it all, sitting somewhere on a curb drinking out of a brown paper bag?

Forget what you think you know about alcoholism. It's a complex disease that affects everyone a little bit differently. You can have a great job and still be an alcoholic. You can hold together your life and still be an alcoholic. Here's what to watch for:

1. They don't think they have a problem.

Often times, because there are such seriously negative stereotypes surrounding people who are alcoholics, functional alcoholics don't believe they have a problem. They hold their lives together and do great at work. "So what if I have a few beers after work?" The truth is, functional alcoholism is still alcoholism. 

2. They may not drink constantly, but they can't control it when they do.

Most functional alcoholics don't drink all the time. They get up, drop the kids off at school, go to work, do their jobs, come home, cook dinner, and open up a bottle of wine and drink until there's nothing left. It's the fact that, when they do drink, they can't control it.

3. They have trouble remembering things.

Most alcoholics, functional or not, experience a degree of memory loss resulting from the alcohol they drink. Even if they don't seem super drunk, they often can't recall what they did, what they said, or who they were with.

4. They get irritable when not drinking.

One clear sign of alcoholism is a dependency on the drug, that grows over time. Alcoholics may feel antsy, nervous, irritable, and physically uncomfortable if they've avoided alcohol for too long. They may also experience sweating, rapid heart rate, and sometimes death.

5. They forgo food for alcohol.

Often times, functional alcoholics will use a meal as a reason to have a drink. Sometimes still, alcoholics will simply not eat any food at all and opt to drink their calories instead.

6. They lie to hide their alcohol abuse.

Functional alcoholics will often hide their alcoholism by telling stories and lies that conceal what it is that they're actually doing. Instead of telling you they went to the bar, they may say they were stuck in traffic or stayed late at work.

7. They isolate themselves.

Functional alcoholics will sometimes withdraw partially or completely from non-essential functions, like family dinners, birthday parties, etc. They isolate themselves in an attempt to drink as much as they want without judgement.

8. They always have an excuse.

Denial and hostility, when they fail to explain away their drinking, tends to lead to excuses. They're simply trying to evade judgement or concern about their drinking. They always have a reason for the constant drink in their hand.

http://www.higherperspectives.com/highly-functioning-alcoholic-1855858577.html?page=1

The Disease of Being Busy

I saw a dear friend a few days ago. I stopped by to ask her how she was doing, how her family was. She looked up, voice lowered, and just whimpered: “I’m so busy… I am so busy… have so much going on.”

Almost immediately after, I ran into another friend and asked him how he was. Again, same tone, same response: “I’m just so busy… got so much to do.”

The tone was exacerbated, tired, even overwhelmed.

And it’s not just adults. When we moved to North Carolina about ten years ago, we were thrilled to be moving to a city with a great school system. We found a diverse neighborhood, filled with families. Everything felt good, felt right.

After we settled in, we went to one of the friendly neighbors, asking if their daughter and our daughter could get together and play. The mother, a really lovely person, reached for her phone and pulled out the calendar function. She scrolled… and scrolled… and scrolled. She finally said: “She has a 45-minute opening two and half weeks from now. The rest of the time it’s gymnastics, piano, and voice lessons. She’s just…. so busy.”

Horribly destructive habits start early, really early.

How did we end up living like this? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to our children? When did we forget that we are human beings, not human doings?

Whatever happened to a world in which kids get muddy, get dirty, get messy, and heavens, get bored? Do we have to love our children so much that we overschedule them, making them stressed and busy — just like us?

What happened to a world in which we can sit with the people we love so much and have slow conversations about the state of our heart and soul, conversations that slowly unfold, conversations with pregnant pauses and silences that we are in no rush to fill?

How did we create a world in which we have more and more and more to do with less time for leisure, less time for reflection, less time for community, less time to just… be?

Somewhere we read, “The unexamined life is not worth living… for a human.” How are we supposed to live, to examine, to be, to become, to be fully human when we are so busy?

This disease of being “busy” (and let’s call it what it is, the dis-ease of being busy, when we are never at ease) is spiritually destructive to our health and wellbeing. It saps our ability to be fully present with those we love the most in our families, and keeps us from forming the kind of community that we all so desperately crave.

Since the 1950s, we have had so many new technological innovations that we thought (or were promised) would make our lives easier, faster, simpler. Yet, we have no more “free” or leisurely time today than we did decades ago.

For some of us, the “privileged” ones, the lines between work and home have become blurred. We are on our devices. All. The. Freaking. Time.

Smart phones and laptops mean that there is no division between the office and home. When the kids are in bed, we are back online.

One of my own daily struggles is the avalanche of email. I often refer to it as my jihad against email. I am constantly buried under hundreds and hundreds of emails, and I have absolutely no idea how to make it stop. I’ve tried different techniques: only responding in the evenings, not responding over weekends, asking people to schedule more face-to-face time. They keep on coming, in volumes that are unfathomable: personal emails, business emails, hybrid emails. And people expect a response — right now. I, too, it turns out… am so busy.

The reality looks very different for others. For many, working two jobs in low-paying sectors is the only way to keep the family afloat. Twenty percent of our children are living in poverty, and too many of our parents are working minimum wage jobs just to put a roof over their head and something resembling food on the table. We are so busy.

The old models, including that of a nuclear family with one parent working outside the home (if it ever existed), have passed away for most of us. We now have a majority of families being single families, or where both parents are working outside the home. It is not working.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

In many Muslim cultures, when you want to ask them how they’re doing, you ask: in Arabic, Kayf haal-ik? or, in Persian, Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is yourhaal?

What is this haal that you inquire about? It is the transient state of one’s heart. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know.

I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyous, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart, explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul.

Tell me you remember you are still a human being, not just a human doing. Tell me you’re more than just a machine, checking off items from your to-do list. Have that conversation, that glance, that touch. Be a healing conversation, one filled with grace and presence.

Put your hand on my arm, look me in the eye, and connect with me for one second. Tell me something about your heart, and awaken my heart. Help me remember that I too am a full and complete human being, a human being who also craves a human touch.

I teach at a university where many students pride themselves on the “study hard, party hard” lifestyle. This might be a reflection of many of our lifestyles and our busy-ness — that even our means of relaxation is itself a reflection of that same world of overstimulation. Our relaxation often takes the form of action-filled (yet mindless) films, or violent and face-paced sports.

I don’t have any magical solutions. All I know is that we are losing the ability to live a truly human life.

We need a different relationship to work, to technology. We know what we want: a meaningful life, a sense of community, a balanced existence. It’s not just about “leaning in” or faster iPhones. We want to be truly human.

W. B. Yeats once wrote:

“It takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a soldier to fight on a battlefield.”

How exactly are we supposed to examine the dark corners of our soul when we are so busy? How are we supposed to live the examined life?

I am always a prisoner of hope, but I wonder if we are willing to have the structural conversation necessary about how to do that, how to live like that. Somehow we need a different model of organizing our lives, our societies, our families, our communities.

I want my kids to be dirty, messy, even bored — learning to become human. I want us to have a kind of existence where we can pause, look each other in the eye, touch one another, and inquire together: Here is how my heart is doing? I am taking the time to reflect on my own existence; I am in touch enough with my own heart and soul to know how I fare, and I know how to express the state of my heart.

How is the state of your heart today?

Let us insist on a type of human-to-human connection where when one of us responds by saying, “I am just so busy,” we can follow up by saying, “I know, love. We all are. But I want to know how your heart is doing.”

BY OMID SAFI (@OSTADJAAN),  COLUMNIST

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/the-disease-of-being-busy/7023