Fitting In Is Overrated: Embrace Your Uniqueness to Find Meaning in Life

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever felt different—like you don’t fit in at all?

Do certain things captivate other people but leave you struggling to find meaning?

What about the big picture? Maybe you feel you chose the wrong career, or you wonder if you were born into the right family—no one else seems to think the way you do.

Feeling different can be unsettling in a world that values sameness. You can derail your confidence and your progress by demeaning yourself for your differences.

I felt uncomfortably different most of my life—out of place, misunderstood, and alone. I always worked hard to fit in, fighting a constant, frustrating inner struggle with no tools to help me cope.

I always got top grades, but didn’t seem to think the way everyone else did, perhaps because my family was poor but I attended an upper-middle-class school.

I was extremely introverted and shy in an extroverted world. I kept to myself, hiding so no one would know I was different. This broke my heart because I wanted to fit in so badly.

My desire to fit in continued through college and beyond. I finally realized I was wasting a lot of time and energy by struggling to fit in. I was denying my uniqueness and my chance to create a truly meaningful life.

By hiding my differences, I short-changed the very reason I was born.

Most of us don’t realize that hiding our true nature is devastating to ourselves and to the world.

How We Get Steered Off Course

Subconsciously, we’re all searching for true meaning in life. We think of it as trying to find happiness.

Society teaches us we’ll be happy by following norms that make us the same as others. We are encouraged to seek outside of ourselves rather than connecting inward and being fulfilled by the things we love.

For instance, we learn to:

• Seek approval from others to feel valued.

• Compete with each other to get into the best schools and to land and keep the best jobs.

• Look for partners to give us self-worth and complete us.

• Strive to make money to buy things to make us happy.

• Do everything to stay young-looking, valuing youth more highly than age and wisdom.

With these goals, we are constantly doing rather than being. Time disappears because we aren’t embracing life by connecting with our inner being.

We forget who we are. We are not living. We are grasping for an elusive happiness on the outside.

We feel like we’ve found happiness repeatedly, only to realize it is temporary. Each time we find it slipping away again, we search to find happiness in some other way.

Embracing our uniqueness and finding true meaning in life will break the pattern.

Take the first steps toward freedom.

Changing direction requires some upheaval. But this is your life. If temporary discomfort results in discovering your meaning and purpose in life—which leaves you feeling fulfilled, balanced, and happy—isn’t change worthwhile?

Assess your life to see if you abandoned your own uniqueness just to fit the mold.

Review the five bullets above. Are you following someone else’s path instead of your own? If so, what would you prefer to do instead? It’s never too late to change.

If you’re seeking approval or self-worth from others, learn how to find these qualities within yourself. If you’re in a career that doesn’t satisfy you, acquire the skills you need to follow your passion.

What are you doing just to fit in? What daily activities feel like drudgery? What responsibilities or tasks do you often put off or even avoid?

A long list is a sure clue that you’re not following your passion. Seeking further can help you find true meaning.

Determine what makes you unique.

We all have a passion—something that makes us light up inside, something we want to do more than anything else. We bring our own uniqueness to our passion. Following it will help us find true meaning in life.

Assessing your uniqueness takes careful thought. Set aside an hour at a time. Longer blocks of time are even better. The key is to feel free to brainstorm because nothing else requires your attention.

Schedule time on your calendar and hold to it.

When it’s time, go to a quiet place with purpose. Take a notepad or something to capture your ideas. Don’t judge any of your thoughts. Brainstorming means all ideas are of equal value.

You can be selective later. Judging in advance blocks your creativity and you’ll likely miss something you are suppressing or something new.

Some questions to ask to uncover your uniqueness are:

• Which activities cause me to completely lose track of time?

• What am I always trying to find time to do even when I only have a few free moments?

• What makes me really happy?

• What matters most to me personally?

• What are my top five values, and why?

Once you have thought through and listed all your answers to these questions, list each answer on a separate line. Ask yourself what parts of your life feel most and least aligned with your favorite activities, passions and values.

Record and study this information closely to find clarity.

Leverage what you’ve discovered.

It’s time to follow your heart, honor your uniqueness, and discover your true meaning. Gather your answers and decide how to incorporate this newfound knowledge into your life.

Maybe you uncovered a passion you’ve always suppressed. For example, I always loved writing, but I only pursued it indirectly in the form of business writing because that was a practical way to earn a living.

Business writing is not my favorite form of writing, and it never satisfied my desire to write. But now that I have my own business, I’m writing the way I’ve always wanted to.

I’ve combined writing with my other passion of pursuing better ways to live. Now I’m excited when I write, I’m fulfilling my purpose, and I’m helping others.

Seek further if your passion still eludes you.

Maybe you’ve squelched your uniqueness for so long that you can’t find your truth. If you have more questions than answers, that’s great! That’s when it’s time to experiment.

Answers can come from many different sources, so cover a lot of ground. When you find clues, you can piece them together to form your plan of action.

Ask others what they do, find books and other resources to read, seek professionals to help you, join a group of like-minded individuals, take a class, or ask the universe. Use your creativity to reach out broadly. The answers will come.

Start exploring one area that calls to you. Try something creative such as art, theater, or science. Begin looking for solutions to your biggest problem, or reach out to help someone else. Life holds many right answers. Seeking and finding them is the fun part.

When I began my search for happiness, I looked everywhere. I even opened my mind to things I thought were illogical, like aura balancing. I was surprised when I discovered that I could actually feel negative energy being pulled out of my body by someone using a crystal.

That incident sent me to seek spiritual answers. Ultimately, I found my answers through the teachings of yoga. I was so motivated by these teachings that I moved into a meditation center for a year to pursue them.

This brought me around full circle, proving that I really am different—and because I found my passion, I learned that being different is completely okay. This changed my life radically.

Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb with your search. You never know where it might lead you. It is far better to follow your heart and be different than to struggle to try to be the same.

We all have differences in a world that values similarity. When fitting in means suppressing who you are and what you love the most, you miss your opportunity to connect deeply with yourself—to live, shine, find true meaning in life, and offer your unique talents to the world.

By opening your heart and mind and being completely free to explore what matters to you, you will learn who you are. Next time you find yourself holding back to avoid standing out, realize that you add value to the world.

Never be afraid to follow your passion and blaze new trails. It’s important to have faith in the process of life. The trick is to realize and embrace your uniqueness. By doing so, you will be led in the direction you were meant to go.

Be Different image via Shutterstock

By Jan Tucker

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/fitting-in-is-overrated-embrace-uniquness-find-meaning/

I stopped looking for their approval.

“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. 
Trying to become smaller. 
Quieter.
Less sensitive. 
Less opinionated. 
Less needy. 
Because I didn’t want to be a burden. 
I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. 
I wanted people to like me. 
I wanted to be cared for and valued. 
I wanted to be wanted. 
So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. 
And for years, I suffered. 
But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. 
It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. 
I am worthwhile. 
Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. 
My thoughts matter. 
My feelings matter. 
My voice matters. 
And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. 
Even if it makes people angry. 
Even if it makes them uncomfortable. 
Even if they choose to leave. 
I refuse to shrink. 
I choose to take up space. 
I choose honor my feelings. 
I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. 
I choose me”
~Daniel Keopke

http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/i-stopped-looking-for-their-approval/

5 Signs You're In A Relationship You're Not Meant To Be In

I'm sure we're all familiar with the idea of a relationship being "meant to be."

When it comes to relationships, it’s especially easy to excuse the work that needs to be done with a partner to make things work, because you suddenly you simply feel like the relationship is just not “meant to be”.

At the same time, it's important to recognize that many relationships really aren’t meant to be. We enter with good honest intentions, trusting the other person fully, and do everything we can to save it. But we’re only 50% of the relationship coin, so we don’t have full control of it going south.

In other words, whether or not your relationship is “meant to be” won't be determined by the universe defining your future, but more by how much work you decide to put into your relationship. And if you feel you have done all that you can, then it wasn’t meant to be.

If you feel that you didn’t do as much as you could, let’s move away from the word "meant," and start actively looking at signs. 

Signs don’t leave much room for excuses as long as you have clarified your vision, and are taking ownership of your ability to see them. Many times, we are not able to see signs or we minimize them due to the emotion residue a relationship can create.

So let’s review some neon signs that I believe means you’re relationship is not “meant to be." Just a note, before I start: If you’ve seen these signs in previous relationships but didn’t get out when you should have, go easy on yourself. You had different lenses then. The purpose of this post isn’t to make you feel bad, regretful, or panicked if you’re in a relationship now and seeing some of these signs. It’s just a reminder to sharpen your radar and possibly have some things to chew on and by chew on I mean communicate with your partner.

So here are the five signs you’re in a relationship you’re not “meant to be" in.

1. You don’t feel like you.

Everything you’ve liked about yourself, who you are, what makes you uniquely you, is gone or faded.

Unfortunately, this happens a lot in relationships. I coach people going through this all the time. And it happens very gradually — otherwise we would stop it right away.

Whether we or they know it or not, many of our partners try to control us and stamp it as love. Over time, this process slowly strips away at who we are or want to be. Then one day, we wake up, look in the mirror and don’t recognize ourselves anymore. This is a sign, a bad one. It means something’s wrong. The bottom has dropped out.

Now let me stop here and note that it doesn’t mean it’s 100% the other person’s fault. You may find this to be a pattern in all your relationships which means the common denominator then is you. Because it’s easy to lose ourselves in our relationships.

This usually happens due to a distorted understanding of love as self-sacrifice, rather than thinking about it in terms of healthy compromises and growing together. If you follow the logic of this mindset, you'll usually end up thinking about your upbringing and what you learned about the experience of love as a child.

The key is to be aware and work on finding yourself again. No matter what that takes. If you don’t, you’re not bringing you to the relationship. You’re bringing your conditioning.

2. You are constantly trying to prove your worth. 

It’s bad enough that we have to constantly seek our worth in the world. But if we’re also doing this in our relationship, there’s something wrong. That’s the one place where you shouldn’t have to prove your worth.

But how do you know if you’re constantly trying to prove your worth? First, start by acknowledging that there’s a difference between seeking approval and validation, which we all do to a certain extent, and seeking your worth or value.

Now, here are some signs that you are having to constantly seek your worth in a relationship.

• You are rarely heard.
• Your ideas are shot down.
• Your partner doesn’t support your dreams.
• You rarely get to talk about you.
• Your partner may listen to you but they don’t hear you.
• You feel invisible.

Now, I'll clarify by saying that it’s not your partner's job to make you feel valuable, but it is their job to create a safe space where your worth is encouraged and grown instead of ignored or even bashed. Your relationship shouldn’t make you feel invisible. It should make you feel invincible.

3. You feel like you’re witnessing a relationship instead of being in one.

Many people get to a state where they let life happen to them instead of allowing them to happen to life — engaging and truly living at their fullest, making their dent in the universe. This turns you stale and grayed out. You start to go through the motions of life rather than living in one and slowly drift. You become a witness of your life.

This can also happen in relationships. You go through the motions but you are not present. You know that you’re "taken," not single. You know the important dates and when to buy gifts. You know the routine for dinner. You know what s/he likes in bed.

But all this is information, not presence. You know the relationship but no longer engage in it. The relationship is no longer built on passion. It’s built on routines. If you believe in your heart of hearts that this is due to him or her more than you and your own stuff, it’s a big sign. Scratch that. It’s a giant a banner that says “You Guys Are Not Meant To Be."

4. You break up with you.

At some point, you ended the relationship you had with yourself. You gave up. You gave in. And you may not even know it.

Maybe you convinced yourself that this is what a relationship looks like. But unsurprisingly, the ideas you had of being with someone who pulled you out of yesterday and gave you tomorrow was just a fantasy. Media made it up. Someone who would make you feel like you want to live longer, be stronger are only characters, in books or in your head. Love on that level doesn’t exist. It’s scripted.

And it's the realization that we haven’t been getting any water or sun from the relationship has caused you to stop working on and believing in yourself. You decided to hide instead. But what you’re really doing is taking since you’re only offering a shell of yourself.

Whatever the case, you and your needs are no longer in the equation. They don’t matter so you don’t matter and the relationship you had with yourself has expired. If this is where you’re at because of your relationship, you are probably not meant to be in this relationship. At this point, it’s not about signs. It’s about whys. 

5. They wear orange pants.

Seriously.

If you're interested in learning more about what to look for when looking to find the one, click here to begin your journey toward an awesome relationship. 

Photo Credit: Stocksy

by John Kim

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21288/5-signs-youre-in-a-relationship-youre-not-meant-to-be-in.html

My feelings matter.

“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. ~Daniell Keopke.

http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/my-feelings-matter/

10 Life Lessons You Learn In The Real World, Not In School

When you're in school, everything feels super important. Many people worked toward a degree, and every effort in school was designed to get you out into the “real” world so you could finally become successful, happy and financially free.

But after graduating and entering the working world, people often see that things aren't always what they seem.

Most people, especially when they're in school, cheat on their present with our future. This means that they focus so much on the future and getting “there” that they miss out on the present and fully being “here.” Even though college is often an enjoyable experience, it's the end goal that serves as motivation.

Go back and visit your recently graduated self. What message would you have? Maybe you would have words of wisdom for your younger self. Perhaps you might remind yourself any of these life lessons you learn after you graduate.

To put things into a little perspective, I wish my younger self knew that some things didn’t matter as much as others. Sometimes the best way make the most of life is to reflect and pause in the life lessons learned so far.

Here are things you realize after you graduate:

1. You still don’t have it figured out, and that's OK.

Many people think that when they graduate, they’ll be graced with instant clarity and acute focus. But in the “real” world, everyone is just figuring it out. Well into your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s, things are still evolving and falling into place. Life is an evolution of changes; you can reinvent yourself and change your mind at any time, and it’s OK. Learning who you are is a lifelong journey, and a radical adventure at that.

2. The older you get, the harder it is to change a habit.

When you're young, you take for granted nonchalant habits and change quickly when you desire. As you age, your brain is hard-wired to fall back on habits, and it is harder to change—much harder. You get set in your ways. Be honest with yourself; if there's a habit you want to change, it’s never too late. Just be patient, as the change is harder to make the older you get.

3. Burned bridges stay with you for life.

In college, it may have been easy to talk behind your roommate’s back, or start an “I hate my ex” club. But when you graduate, you realize how important all relationships are. A burned bridge will stay with you forever, and you quickly learn forgiveness is the most essential tool for success. Who can you forgive today?

4. Your beliefs aren't as important as your behavior about those beliefs.

Your beliefs and values are important to you, but how you act and talk to others about what you believe in is more important than the actual belief. Treat others with kindness and respect no matter how different their views are. Contrast can bring clarity.

5. The more you believe in yourself, the less you need the approval of others.

You don’t need to lean on others for support. When you have a dream or goal, the most important thing is that you believe in yourself. People are going to tell you it can’t be done, but when you connect with you own dreams, you'll be unstoppable.

6. Almost everything is simple, but not always easy.

As you age, you begin to learn most everything is relatively simple. You recognize that you don’t have to work so hard or worry so much, things seem to fall into place, but learning this and accepting it as truth is never easy.

7. People and situations in your past were never random.

You quickly learn how everything is connected. Instead of looking at your life as a random experience and unconnected occurrences, start to see that life isn’t happening to you, but actually it is happening for you.

8. Sometimes not getting what you want is the biggest blessing of all.

Everything is part of a larger plan. Rejection is actually protection.

9. Everything tends to work out the way it's supposed to.

College isn’t where you find yourself. Once you graduate and enter the working world, you realize you're still changing, growing, becoming more of who you really want to be. You probably stress about things that are out of our control. As you age, you learn that the things you used to worry about turned out fine. In life, things always work out the way they're supposed to, so there's no need to worry.

10. You need to trust yourself much sooner.

That major that felt off, the relationship that seemed to be a struggle, the food that made your stomach turn were all little nudges that things were off. Learning to trust yourself is something that will help you feel more free. Stop fighting yourself and trust your gut instincts. Trust your heart — it knows what your head has yet to figure out.

To make your own life lesson list grab this FREE Love Your Life to The Fullest Guide.

Photo Credit: Stocksy

by Shannon Kaiser

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20078/10-life-lessons-you-learn-in-the-real-world-not-in-school.html

How To Shatter Your Bonds of False Beliefs and Finally Be Free

To believe that we’re only as worthwhile as others agree to see us burdens us with feeling that ‘winning the good opinion of others’ is somehow our responsibility.

And such a mistaken mindset leaves us the perennial victim of our relationships, and never the victor in them.

The only way we can be released from any painful sense of false responsibility is to see that it is based in a false belief.

To see through the false belief is to be released from the weight of useless false responsibilities.

Study carefully the following list of 6 false beliefs and the false responsibilities that are never far away from them.

Dare to learn everything you can about your own false beliefs and then watch how the weight of false responsibilities falls off of you.

False Belief #1: Unwanted moments are to be avoided at all costs.

False Responsibility: You feel as if you must remain in control of everyone and everything at all times.

True Responsibility: Treat everything that happens to you as an opportunity to see through and transcend the unconscious burden of any false beliefs.

False Belief #2: You are only as valuable, or worthless, as other people agree that you are.

False Responsibility: You’re convinced that you must do whatever it takes to win the approval of everyone you meet.

True Responsibility: Be real… Learn what it means to be in possession of yourself, starting with reclaiming your life.

False Belief #3: You are responsible for the happiness or unhappiness that others feel.

False Responsibility: You must always compromise yourself to ensure the contentment of everyone else.

True Responsibility: Stay out of the lives of all those who expect you to do for them what they won’t do for themselves.

False Belief #4: You must learn to “tolerate” friends and family who have agreed to live with or justify negative states.

False Responsibility: You must constantly smooth over rocky situations, ensuring that no one rocks anyone’s boat enough to tip it over.

True Responsibility: See all negative states as the unconscious, dark emotions that they are, and refuse to justify them in yourself, or anyone else.

False Belief #5: You can change what happened yesterday by revisiting and reliving it today.

False Responsibility: Unless you worry about and suffer over your past, your tomorrows are not going to turn out right.

True Responsibility: You can be a new person right now. Let go of anything that wants to revisit and relive the past.

False Belief #6: Feeling deeply stressed proves you really care about whatever you’re suffering over.

False Responsibility: It’s up to you to shoulder the weight of those painful thoughts and feelings that want to drag you down.

True Responsibility: See that agreeing to suffer from your own mental and emotional states makes as much sense as blaming the French fry that just burned your mouth.

Let me encourage you to sit down and make your own list of false beliefs, and the legion of false responsibilities that come with them.

Remember that your one true responsibility in life — the one action that will always see to your success in life — is to always be as awake and receptive to the present moment as you can be.

If we refuse to see what life is trying to show us about ourselves, then we can’t learn.

If we don’t learn the truth of ourselves, then true self-knowledge becomes impossible.

Without higher self-knowledge, there is no way to rise above ourselves… to reach that innermost path that alone leads to the fulfillment of our highest possibilities.

Key Lesson:

The real, unseen cause of our fear is the false belief that life can throw something  at us that’s greater than our ability to change it.

But this is simply not true.

Within each of us lives — no matter what our culture, tradition, or religious background — a fearless immortal ‘self’: a transcendent nature that doesn’t fear unforeseen changes. ~

Today Only…

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Here is the guiding wisdom and the simple practices you can use to begin living from your authentic self.

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http://www.finerminds.com/lifestyle/how-to-shatter-your-bonds-of-false-beliefs-and-finally-be-free/