The More You Do, The More Opportunities Open to You

“We’re here for such a short period of time. Live like you’re already dead, man. Have a good time. Do your best. Let it all come ripping right through you.” ~Jeff Bridges

Yesterday, a Chinese exchange student we hosted two years ago texted to let me know her mother would like to invite my family to visit them in Nanjing—and she would pay for our plane tickets and let us stay at their vacation home.

Of course I told everyone I know (I mean, China! C’mon!) and they all said, “You’re so lucky!” And it’s true…we are lucky.

However, there’s more to our luck than, well, luck. Receiving amazing opportunities is a function not of waiting around and wishing for good things to happen, but of going out and living life to the fullest so good things can’t help but come to you.

The China trip is one example: Since 1997 we’ve hosted fourteen exchange students for periods of time lasting from one month to the whole school year.

Our friends and relatives have always thought we were nuts to take on the inconvenience and expense. (No, you don’t get reimbursed for hosting.) But we consider hosting foreign exchange students to be part of our civic duty, a lot of fun, and a good learning opportunity for our now seven-year-old son.

Our kid has lived with students who hail from all over the globe—from South Korea to Ukraine to France—since he was one month old.

So is this free trip luck, or a natural outcome of hosting fourteen foreign teenagers over the years?

Another example: We entertain a lot, including holding weekly board game nights for ten to twelve gamers in our home. We’ve gone to great efforts to host these game nights—including managing a Meetup Group, supplying drinks, juggling our son’s bedtime routine on game night, and even having our garage converted into a board game room.

We’ve become good friends with one family we met through this group, and for my birthday last week they offered to pay for tango lessons for my husband and me.

Tango! I would never have thought of learning tango if we had not met these people and if they had not offered to get us lessons. Even though we expected nothing from our game group but some fun gaming, we have a new opportunity to do something fun and exciting that will stretch our limits—in a good way.

I started thinking about this more and more, and the concept holds: The more you do, the more opportunities open to you.

“Do More WHAT?”

Doing more means different things to different people, but at its core it’s about stretching, learning, expanding, and experiencing new things.

For some, that might mean helping at the soup kitchen or learning a new language, while for others it might mean starting a meditation practice or forming a book club. It doesn’t matter, as long as what you do is one or more of the following (the more the better!):

• A learning experience

• Something you’re passionate about

• Mind-expanding

• Helpful to others

• Exciting

• Requiring effort on your part

• Scary

Traveling, training for an athletic event, learning a new skill, volunteering, joining a new team at work, entertaining, writing, creating, launching…it’s all fair game. Just don’t fall into the trap of simply ramping up the intensity or frequency of the same-old-same-old if it’s not what lights your fire; try something new.

“How Does It Work?”

I can’t say for sure, but I can theorize. My feeling is that when you make an effort to try new things and expand your life experience, the universe—or heck, even your friends—see that you’re open and ready for more awesome opportunities, and they rush to make those opportunities happen.

After all, who would you invite to join you at a class at the local clown college, or to co-launch a business—the friend who’s ready for anything, who you’ve seen taking part in all kinds of events, competitions, and activities? Or the friend who shrinks from new experiences and who sticks to the same routine year in and year out?

“This All Sounds Expensive.”

It can be if you want it to, but it doesn’t have to be. Volunteering is free. You can start a new business or volunteer organization with a WordPress website for nothing. Starting a book club, dinner group, or running group on Meetup.com will costs only about $13 per month, and you can charge dues to make up for it. Training for a 5k or fitness competition for free.

These (and many other activities) will create bonding experiences, memories, and opportunities to do even more—all without breaking the bank.

“But Wait…Isn’t This the Opposite of Non-Attachment?”

As a reader of this blog, you’re probably interested in concepts like being present and accepting what is. If you’re making efforts to experience more, create more, and do more, doesn’t that mean you’re grasping, attaching, obsessing about the future, and generally not being satisfied with your current self?

It could mean that, but there’s a way to experience more and create new opportunities without falling prey to attaching: Go after everything you’ve ever wanted to experience and create—but enjoy the journey while you do it and try not to attach to the outcome.

Work to improve your PR for that weightlifting competition, but don’t freak out over how you’ll perform at crunch-time. Write that book, but expect and accept rejection.

Even if all your plans go awry, you still have the memories, and the results of your hard work. Write a novel and you have a novel. Pump iron for a competition and you’ll be stronger. It’s the doing that matters, not the results.

Want to open yourself up to positive, amazing opportunities today? Think of something you’ve always wanted to do—whether it’s taking drum lessons, completing a sprint-distance triathlon, or hosting a gigantic family reunion—and take the first step toward that goal right now, before your “logical” mind steps in and tells you all the reasons it’s not possible.

Once you do that, please post your experiences in the comments below. Here’s to great experiences!

Happy traveler image via Shutterstock

Linda Formichelli

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-more-you-do-the-more-opportunities-open-to-you/

How To Shine Your Own Light and Let Go of Envy

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

“Look at her, who does she think she is?”

“He’s so full of himself. He’s so big headed”

Have you ever heard these types of expressions being used? Have you said them yourself?

I have.

Or at least I used to. I was taught to believe that people who shine their light were showing off. That they were brazen and big headed. But what does being full of yourself actually mean? Seriously, what does it mean?

Is it being cocky or could it simply be having confidence in who you are? Is it being arrogant or might it just be saying no to playing small?

Plainly put, being full of yourself is to be brimming over with who you are. How utterly amazing is that? To be full of who you are. Not empty. Not lacking. Full.

Why do we believe that celebrating our greatness is something to be scorned?

We worry that if we let all of our colors blaze brightly, we’ll be perceived as being “too much.” We end up trying to throw shade on our most vibrant parts in order to blend in.

Are we supposed to walk some kind of middle line in life? Between shine and shame?

When we purposely set out to dilute who we are, we are denying ourselves our birthright to live in full bloom. Full expression.

When do we ever walk through a garden of gorgeous flowers and wish that they were less vibrant? Less alive? We don’t. We marvel at their utter beauty and proud glory. We don’t ask them to diminish their splendor. We simply ask them to be all that they are.

If we place ourselves in the shadows then we not only prevent our true light from radiating out, but we’re also left feeling envious of those that are basking in their own fabulous glow. 

I used to look longingly at other people who I’d see exuding sparkly confidence. I’d yearn to have their self-assuredness and be able to live out loud without apology.

It wasn’t until I stopped wistfully wanting what I thought I lacked, and started focusing on what I was already rich with, that everything changed.

I said no to seeking approval. I said no to coveting the lives of others. I said yes to being me.

My life transformed when I stepped onto the stage of my own life, rather than hiding in the wings watching someone else’s performance. Every step I’ve taken since has gifted me farther toward empowerment and farther away from self-doubt.

Do you secretly envy somebody else’s life? Do you spend hours obsessing about how amazing they appear to be? What if you took some of that energy and invested it into your most precious stock? Yourself. 

Try this simple visualization exercise to get you back on point.

Imagine yourself sitting in front of a mirror illuminated with light bulbs, the ones you see in the dressing rooms that film stars use. Your reflection in the mirror radiates love, happiness, and confidence. The lights are bright and beautiful. So are you. So amazingly beautiful.

Remember this: every single time you waste energy wishing you had somebody else’s life, a light in your own life goes out. One of those bulbs dies. Your reflection loses a little bit of its sparkle. Those bulbs need your life force to keep shining. Why are you illuminating someone else’s reflection? Why are you giving your energy to their light bulbs?

Light up your life. This is the one time you don’t need to be environmentally conscious! Burn those lights, baby! I’m talking Times Square bright. Because otherwise all those lights will lose their will to shine and you’ll be fumbling around in the dark trying to find a torch. And that’s not the look we’re going for here.

So now you’ve got your own glow going here are a few other ways to keep the spark alive:

1. Get creative.

When we concentrate on our own passions it makes it much more difficult for our minds to stray and worry about what everyone else is doing.

If you feel stuck in a rut and unsure of how to move forward, then getting immersed in a creative project can be an amazing way to shift any stagnant energy. Maybe you want to explore photography; perhaps sketching or sculpting appeal to you. Creativity is a wonderful tool for self-expression and can bring so much joy as well as clarity.

2. Avoid too much toxicity.

It can be hard to feel bright and beautiful when we’re in an environment that doesn’t feel supportive. Limit time with negative people and spend more time with those who champion you and believe in your abilities. We all need some encouragement from time to time.

Take time to encourage others to shine their light, too—it inspires a domino effect which creates a global glow!

3. Stay present, but look forward.

In the yoga pose Warrior II, one hand reaches forward and the other hand extends back. The head (and mind) are centered.

It’s such a wonderful symbol of past, present, and future. The back hand is the past—don’t look that way, you’re not going in that direction. Stay centered and keep your mind in the present, but focus your gaze on where you’re going: forward. Possibility lies ahead.

—

Shine your light like only you can. And don’t apologize for it. The world does not benefit from you living in the shadows. The world does not benefit from you wasting your energy on envy. And the world most certainly does not benefit from you living in shame and fear. It benefits from your incredible, colorful contribution.

Your empowerment carriage awaits. It’s time to get in.

Girl on the moon image via Shutterstock

By Skylar Liberty Rose

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-shine-your-own-light-and-let-go-of-envy/

How to Be Happier Without Making Any Big Life Changes

“The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

In 2014 I changed my whole life.

I quit a horrible job, traveled to Costa Rica and Panama, moved across the country, moved in with my partner, and landed my dream job in an education charity.

Why did I change so much? The answer is simple—happiness.

I had spent three years planning and dreaming of a different future for myself. One where I could travel, have a job I found meaningful, and live with my boyfriend in our own flat. Finally, after one morning too many spent in tears, I built up the courage to quit my job.

I spent the next few months riding on a wave of relief. Everything was going to be all right. I was going to be happy and in love with my life.

The problem was, this didn’t happen.

It soon became clear that I wasn’t experiencing the blissful future that I’d dreamed of. I ended up feeling even worse than I had felt before I changed anything. A sense of dread and helplessness crept over me as I realized that changing your life situation doesn’t automatically make you happier.

There was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

After a month or two of trying to pull myself out of a depression by making plans for a long off future, I started reading what I could about life and happiness. I went back to books I’d started but hadn’t finished and reread old favorites.

As I read and reread these books, I started to notice a pattern. At the heart of all the arguments and instructions in those books were the same two ideas:

1. Be aware of your thoughts so your mind can’t control you.

Learning how to be aware of thoughts rather than letting your mind control you seems to be essential to experiencing lasting happiness. Meditating every day, even just for ten or fifteen minutes, makes it easier to be aware of your thoughts and to learn how to quiet your mind.

For me, being aware of my thoughts has made me more intentional about how I think about things. I now try to look at my life positively and search for solutions to issues rather than worrying about problems that might not even happen.

Being in the present moment also takes the power away from your mind. In the present moment there’s no past to regret and no future to worry about, so you are naturally happier. Though keeping your attention in the present is hard to sustain, it’s simple to try.

Give it a go by focusing what you can see around you right now. What sounds can you hear? What can you smell? What can your body feel? Don’t answer these questions in words, just move your attention to your different senses and acknowledge what they notice.

I’ve now made being aware of my thoughts a daily practice. Instead of reading the news on my phone, I dedicate my ninety-minute commute to mediation and being present.

As I walk to the train station I listen to the birds singing and hear the wind rustling in the trees. On the train I mediate for fifteen minutes before reading a book for the rest of the journey.

How could you incorporate meditation and being present into your daily routine?

*Recommended Reading: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle

2. Fill your life with things you enjoy now.

This step is more straightforward. There’s an easy process you can follow to complete it. First, you need to write a list of all the times you’ve felt truly, deeply happy. What were you doing? Who were you with? Are there any common themes?

After you identify the common themes that brought you so much joy, fill as much of your day-to-day life with them as possible!

Could you take a walk in nature on your lunch break? Or could you listen to your favorite type of music while cooking dinner? Perhaps you could swap TV time for working on a creative project like crafting, drawing, or writing?

I realized that some of my happiest moments happened outdoors when I was surrounded by nature. So now I’m trying to spend most of my free time outside, inviting friends and family along too so I can spend time with them. I’ve noticed that I’m so much more relaxed and I really look forward to my weekend’s adventures!

Now it’s your turn! What changes can you make to fill your life with joy?

*Recommended Reading: Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck

Making these little changes doesn’t mean that you can’t make a big change in your life. They will just help you to be happier in the process and put less pressure on the end result.

Enjoy the journey along the rainbow and it won’t matter so much how much gold is at the end.

Laughing girl image via Shutterstock

By Claudia Roberts

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-be-happier-without-making-any-big-life-changes/