21 Ways to Stop Regretting the Life You Didn’t Have And Live The Life You Want Now

“Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today and you make your tomorrow.” – L. Ron Hubbard

What if you could travel back in time?

You’d probably do a lot of things differently, right?

You’d reverse the mistakes you made, resolve the arguments you regretted, and stand up for the choices you now realize matter more than careers or bank balances.

And you’d take the chances you let slip through your fumbling fingers.

Oh boy, guilt and shame are a mean double act. They berate you over and over for the same mistakes, for actions you did and didn’t take.

That negative cycle leaves you forever trapped in that time and in that situation.

I know. I lived a half-life of guilt and shame for years. Until I realized that regret is a choice and a habit.

Life can unfold so much better from where you are right now if you choose differently and commit to a new habit. The habit of living life without regret.

You can break the corrosive cycle of regret and move on.

You can create that life you dream of right now — without a time machine.

21 Ways to Stop Regretting the Life You Didn’t Have

1.  Stop thinking it’s too late.
It’s never too late to atone for past mistakes. Even if the person you believe you wronged has passed away, there is something you can do. For instance if they loved animals, you could make a donation in their memory to an animal charity.

2.Separate reality from fiction.
Most people have a selective memory and tend to see the past through a false filter, even if unintentionally. You may believe that you were at fault, but in reality it may have been the best you could do in the circumstances or with the knowledge you had available at the time.

3. Quit asking the wrong question.
Stop Asking  “What if ? What if I had or hadn’t done this or that?” Ask instead “ What if I carry on like this? I’ll end up wasting my life and that will add another regret on top of the original one. Am I really prepared to go on like this?”

4. Own up to your mistake.
If you genuinely messed up, then apologize. And understand you’re apologizing for you. No matter how long ago it was, it will help ‘close’ the episode in your mind, allowing you to move on.

5. Divorce your regret.
Treat your regret as a separate entity with which you have irreconcilable differences. Officially end the relationship and start over.
6.  Stop missing out on the present.
Regret keeps you endlessly locked in the past, re-living past events in your own personal world of painful memories. Realize how much you are missing out and remember “ Life is in you today and you make your tomorrow”.

7. Atone for your past failings in the present.
Maybe you regret being mean with money when you were younger. Maybe you refused to help others. Put this right now by generously giving your time and/or money to charitable causes.

8. Take the focus off yourself.
If you regret not having had the opportunity to do something worthwhile yourself, then make sure someone else has that opportunity now. Couldn’t afford to go to college or flunked out? Then sponsor someone through college here or abroad and give them the opportunities you never had.

9. Counter your regretful thoughts.
Don’t let regret get the better of you. Rebuff any regretful thoughts with a powerful comeback: “That was another time, another place. I’m not that person any more”.

10. Understand you’ve changed.
This follows on from the last point. You really aren’t the same person. You have grown and learned from your experiences. What you did then, you wouldn’t do now.

11. Live in the here and now.
Sometimes the best approach is to ignore regretful thoughts and throw yourself into the present. Make a great life in the here and now and you may find those regretful thoughts naturally fade.

12.Seek the wisdom of others.
Many people have been in the same situation as you. Use their wisdom to help you. Start by finding great quotes like the one at the top of this article.

13.Concentrate on the big picture.
Whatever you did or did not do probably isn’t that big a deal in the whole world perspective. “Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.” – Daniel Kahneman

14. Let compassion help you move on.
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion” – Dalai Lama. Equally if you want to forget your regret, concentrate on helping others and you’ll soon forget your own worries.

15. Create a mission statement.
Putting your thoughts down in writing can be the impetus you need. Detail your exact regret and what you intend to do to banish it. Read it often until you have rid yourself of your regret.

16. Move on for the sake of others.
If you have ever known someone consumed with regret and trapped in the past, you’ll know how difficult it can be for those around them. Don’t let that someone be you.

17. Reinvent yourself.
Sometimes the only effective course of action if you can’t kill the regret is to kill yourself. Not literally, but symbolically. Start over in a new town, or country if needs be. Change career, or even your name if it helps (I know several people who have changed their names and re-invented  themselves).

18. Stop repeating the same mistake.
The trouble with regret is that while your spending your time regretting a past mistake, you are likely to go and make that same mistake again. If you regret getting passed over for a promotion, make sure the next time the opportunity arises you are well prepared and can stop history repeating itself.

19. Put your mistakes in perspective.
Okay, so you messed up? You know, the only people who don’t mess up are in the graveyard. It’s as much a part of being human as breathing or loving.

20. Make a bonfire of your regret.
I’m not usually big on symbolic actions but I’ve actually done this and it worked for me. Write out your regret in detail and then set light to it. Watch your regret spiral into the sky and set you free. Gone. If you have any items that are associated with the regret, go for it and burn them as well – just don’t burn the house down.

21. Decide you’ve served your sentence.
Enough is enough. In these enlightened times even criminals are given a second chance. And to paraphrase Shakespeare : To err is human, to forgive yourself – divine.

Start Moving On Today

Regret has held your life to ransom for too long. But you could change that for good.

Picture being free from the pain of regret. Imagine it gone, forever.

Imagine how peaceful you’d feel. How alive you’d be.

That picture can be your reality if you let your past be just that.

Defeating regret takes time and patience. Try the strategies above that speak to you, one or a few at a time.

Realize you’ve more than paid the penalty for whatever you did or didn’t do.

Move on, make peace with yourself, and make regret a thing of the past

By Laura Tong

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/21-ways-stop-regretting-life-didnt-live-life-want-now/

10 Things To Do To Change Your Life Forever

“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future”
~ John F. Kennedy

The one constant thing in our life is change. We cannot avoid it and the more we resist change the tougher our life becomes. Trust me, I know this because I was very skilled at deflecting change in my life. We are surrounded by change and it is the one thing that has the most dramatic impact on our lives. Change has the ability to catch up with you at some point in your life. There is no avoiding it because it will find you, challenge you, and force you to reconsider how you live your life.

Change can come into our lives as a result of a crisis, as a result of choice or by chance. In either situation we are all faced with having to make a choice – do we make the change or not? I believe it is always better to make changes in your life when you choose to rather than being forced to.

We however cannot avoid the unexpected events (crisis) in our lives because it is these events that challenge our complacency in life. What we can control when we are experiencing these challenging events, is how we choose to respond to them. It is our power of choice that enables us to activate positive change in our lives.

Acting on our power of choice provides us with more opportunity to change our lives for the better. The more opportunities we create to change our lives the more fulfilled and happier our lives become. Here are 10 things that you can do in your life that will change your life for the good, forever:

1. Find Meaning In Life

Spend some time trying to sort out what is important in your life and why is it important. What is it that you want to achieve in your life? What are your dreams? What makes your happy? Your meaning in life gives you purpose and sets the direction of how you want to live your life. Without meaning you will spend the rest of your life wandering through life aimlessly with no direction, focus, or purpose.

2. Create A Dream Board

When we were children we would daydream all the time. We were skilled at dreaming and visualising what we would be when we grew up. We believed that anything was possible. As we grew into adults we lost our ability to dream. Our dreams became hidden and once we started to feel like achieving our dreams was impossible.

A dream board is a great way for us to start believing in your own dreams again. Seeing our dreams every day on a dream board brings our dreams to life. Our dreams become real and we start to have believe in the possibility of achieving these dreams.

3. Set Your Goals To Achieve Your Dreams

Once you know what is important in your life and what your dream life looks like for you, you need to take action and set your long-term, medium, and short-term goals. It is acting on these goals that enable you to achieve your dreams

Remember your goals may change. Always be flexible with setting and achieving your goals as things in life change and your goals need to reflect these changes. It’s the small steps that you take that create the momentum for change to happen in your life.

4. Let Go Of Your Regrets

Regrets will only hold you back in life. Regrets are events of the past and if you spend all your time thinking about the past you will miss the present and the future. You cannot change what you did or did not do in the past, so let it go. The only thing you have control over now is how you choose to live your present and future life.

I had a heap of regrets that were holding me back in my life. I came across the “Balloon Exercise” and got rid of my regrets for good. What is it? It’s simple — blow up as many balloons as you need. On each balloon write a regret and then let the balloon go. As the balloon drifts off into the sky say goodbye to that regret forever. A simple and powerful exercise that works and can change how you live your life.

5. Choose Some Really Scary Things To Do And Then Do Them

This is all about you choosing to step out of your comfort zone. Public speaking is one of the most frightening things anyone can do. I was petrified of public speaking however, I knew that I wanted to be a motivational speaker. So I joined Toast Masters to overcome my fear of public speaking. My first speech was terrible, my knees were knocking, I broke out in a sweat and I couldn’t stop shaking. But I did it and the feeling of completing this speech, even though it was terrible was great. I chose to keep going and now I earn a living as a motivational speaker. I am still nervous when I get up to speak however it is an excited nervous and I love it.

Make a list of scary things that you would kind of like to do but are too afraid to. Put a plan in place and then go do them. Never stop doing scary things because if you do your life will become one of complacency and comfort.

6. Start Living A Well-Balanced Life

Our health does not remain the same. Our physical, emotional, and spiritual state changes, as we get older. What we can control however is how we feed our minds and our bodies. Living a balanced and healthy life builds our resilience to the physical changes of our body. Exercise is the best way in which we can attain a positive and optimistic attitude toward life.

Living a healthy, well-balanced life with lots of exercise is a lifestyle choice that without a doubt will give you a happier more satisfied and fulfilled life.

7. Face Your Fears

Its easy to ignore our fears and hope that they will go away. Unfortunately, it does not work like that. If you want to change your life, learn to master your fears so they can’t control you any longer. Our fears are only thoughts in our minds that are not real but over time we have become to believe that they are true. It is our fears in life that stop us from living our life to the fullest. We know when our fears are controlling our lives because we feel discontent, dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

Once we face our fears we take back our power to choose how we want to live our lives and when we do this we change our lives forever.

8. Accept You

The only person who is going to create change in your life is you! and to create that change you have to like you. There will be times in your life where you will face rejection and there will be people who will not like you that much. Accepting who you are and loving yourself helps you to move forward in your life. Putting yourself down all the time and wishing you could be better will only lead you to a life of unhappiness and discontent.

Find your courage, love yourself, and step out and do something crazy. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks or whether it is the right thing to do. In your heart if it feels right, act on it and go create the life you love.

9. Live In The Moment

Many of us tend to think that the grass is greener on the other side. Often, we get to the other side of the fence we find that this is not so. The motivation to change our lives comes from our desire to be happy. We are often so busy focusing on our pursuit of happiness that we miss the joy of actually living in the moment. Our desire to have happiness in our lives is a desire of a future state not of the present. We become so consumed with all our problems and discontent in the present we miss the precious beauty of the moment.

Sitting on the beach eating an ice-cream with your best friend or partner is a moment of happiness. Appreciating and showing gratitude on a daily basis is experiencing happiness in the moment. Helping those in need brings joy and happiness to us. This is what living our life in the moment is all about – don’t miss these moments because you are too busy focusing on your pursuit of happiness.

10. Experience The Joy Of Learning

Each time you learn something new you gain more knowledge and with more knowledge comes more confidence. Learning helps us to be more adaptable and flexible to new situations. Learning encourages us to be more creative and innovative in our thinking and we are therefor more comfortable with the unknown.

Reading books is a great way for us to learn. To fully embrace the joy of learning, never stop reading nor searching for more knowledge. Learning gives our life meaning and this is what makes our life worthwhile.

You have a choice to make as to how you want to change your life. Choosing to act on these 10 things will, without a doubt change your life forever. So what are you waiting for? Go do these 10 things now!

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BY KATHRYN SANDFORD

http://www.lifehack.org/310325/10-things-change-your-life-forever

10 Reasons Why What Others Think Of You Is Not Important

In an evermore connecting society where personal value is wrongly correlated with social status, it becomes easy to get swept away in the opinions of others. Who likes who, who wronged who, who is doing what and so on are all regular topics in our daily interactions. Let’s not forget, gossip evolved as an evolutionary device – a successful one at that.

Yet despite this, those with their eye on living an honest and fulfilling life should avoid any temptations of this social Whodunnit. It’s true. Caring about what others think of you is an arrow to the knee of your happiness. Here are 10 reasons why.

1. Nobody Knows You Like Yourself.

People can be arrogant in the fact that they tend to judge a persons character within second of meeting them. We all generalise, we form assumptions, we create an opinion of people from the first moments of the first interaction, often inaccurate ones. The truth is, despite the lightening-quick opinions people form, nobody knows you like you do. You know your own strengths, your own weaknesses, your likes and dislikes more than anybody else in the world. Yes, people can be quick to judge. Are their perceptions of you at all accurate? It’s unlikely. Don’t concern yourself with them.

“The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself” – Thales

2. Nobody Likes to Feel Bad About Themselves.

We all like to feel confident and that we lack nothing major in our lives. Since it is often difficult for people to directly face their personal issues head on and get over them, people like to bring others down as a means of feeling more secure about themselves. People who readily form negative opinions are often casting their own insecurities onto others as a means of overshadowing their own. It is admittedly easier, but that doesn’t make it right. It’s often nothing to do with you in the first place.

3. You’ll Be Forever Walking On Egg Shells.

Do you wan’t to live a life of anxiety? A life where the views of others sting you like a wasp every time you hear a negative or insulting remark about yourself? I bet you don’t. If you do, you’ll quickly become a people-pleaser. You’ll be that Mr. Niceguy who gets trampled all over by everyone in fear of offending anyone. Mr. Niceguy on the outside, is Mr. Sadguy on the inside. You’re better than that.

4. They Will Take You Everywhere But Up.

Successful people don’t care deeply about what others think of them. Why? Because there are some terrible people out there, and in order to achieve something great you’ll have to make some of them angry. If on your path to success you find that absolutely everybody is agreeing with you, then you’re probably doing it wrong. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So why not Do.

5. You Simply Don’t Have Time.

Success means becoming the strongest, most well-rounded version of yourself possible. In order to achieve success, you’ll have to build upon your strengths and minimise your weaknesses. How can you expect to do that if you’re too busy wasting your time contemplating the views of others? If you want to be successful, you don’t have those precious seconds to throw away. Focus on developing yourself, not developing others’ thoughts.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

6. Confidence Isn’t Rooted In the Thoughts of Others.

How many times have you heard a confident person say that they get their confidence from the negative opinions of others? Not many, I bet. It’s usually the contrary. Confidence comes from realising the pettiness and inaccuracy of other people’s negative view of you and then ignoring them. Confident people know exactly what they lack and they get comfortable with it. They don’t need others to do it for them.

7. Only Those Who Aren’t Going Anywhere Criticise Others.

In Andrew Carnegie’s world-renowned book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, he mentions the importance of not criticising others if you want to be successful. Before he was president, Abraham Lincoln criticised a man in a local newspaper and it almost landed him in a sword fight. He learned never to condemn people ever again. And then he became president. So… yeah.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity” – Dale Carnegie.

8. If You Do, You’ll Become Them.

If you concern yourself with the negative views of others for long enough you will end up believing them. It’s a sad truth. You will turn into the very person you are trying to avoid because you don’t have the will to ignore opinions. This is bad. Don’t be fooled into a false version of yourself, remember that nobody knows you like you do.

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt.

9. You’ll Adopt Their Habit.

Since we are the average of our peer group, the thoughts of others begin to dominate our minds. You could end up adopting their negative habits yourself if you’re not careful. Specifically, you will begin to automatically ridicule and form negative opinions of others in an effort to overshadow your own. Can you see the cycle here? It’s the echo chamber effect in full swing.

10. You’ll Regret It On Your Deathbed.

Not that I want to take a gloomy turn in this article, but it might just be necessary to drive my points home. In Bronnie Ware’s touching book “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying”, Ware recalls her years in palliative care and her interactions with the dying. She noted their top 5 regrets. Can you guess which was top? Yes, it was listening too much to the opinions of others.

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” – Top regret of the dying.

Featured photo credit: PixaBay via pixabay.com

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http://www.lifehack.org/288543/10-reasons-why-what-others-think-you-not-important