10 Things Successful People Never Do Again

We all make mistakes but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones. 

Henry Cloud

 

June 24, 2014

“Never go back.” What does that mean? From observations of successful people, clinical psychologist and author of Never Go Back: 10 Things You'll Never Do Again (Howard Books, June 2014), Dr. Henry Cloud has discovered certain “awakenings” that people have—in life and in business—that once they have them, they never go back to the old way of doing things. And when that happens, they are never the same. In short, they got it.

“Years ago, a bad business decision of mine led to an interesting discussion with my mentor,” Dr. Cloud says. “I had learned a valuable lesson the hard way, and he reassured me: ‘The good thing is once you learn that lesson, you never go back. You never do it again.’

“I wondered, what are the key awakenings that successful people go through that forever change how they do things, which propel them to succeed in business, relationships, and life? I began to study these awakenings, researching them over the years.”

Although life and business have many lessons to teach us, Dr. Cloud observed 10 “doorways” of learning that high performers go through, never to return again.

Successful people never again…

1. Return to what hasn’t worked.

Whether a job, or a broken relationship that was ended for a good reason, we should never go back to the same thing, expecting different results, without something being different.

2. Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not.

In everything we do, we have to ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Am I suited for it? Does it fit me? Is it sustainable?” If the answer is no to any of these questions, you better have a very good reason to proceed.

3. Try to change another person.

When you realize that you cannot force someone into doing something, you give him or her freedom and allow them to experience the consequences. In doing so, you find your own freedom as well.

4. Believe they can please everyone.

Once you get that it truly is impossible to please everyone, you begin to live purposefully, trying to please the right people.

5. Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit.

Once successful people know they want something that requires a painful, time-limited step, they do not mind the painful step because it gets them to a long-term benefit. Living out this principle is one of the most fundamental differences between successful and unsuccessful people, both personally and professionally.

6. Trust someone or something that appears flawless.

It’s natural for us to be drawn to things and people that appear "incredible." We love excellence and should always be looking for it. We should pursue people who are great at what they do, employees who are high performers, dates who are exceptional people, friends who have stellar character, and companies that excel. But when someone or something looks too good to be true, he, she, or it is. The world is imperfect. Period. No one and no thing is without flaw, and if they appear that way, hit pause.

7. Take their eyes off the big picture.

We function better emotionally and perform better in our lives when we can see the big picture. For successful people, no one event is ever the whole story. Winners remember that – each and every day.

8. Neglect to do due diligence.

No matter how good something looks on the outside, it is only by taking a deeper, diligent, and honest look that we will find out what we truly need to know: the reality that we owe ourselves.

9. Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves.

One of the biggest differences between successful people and others is that in love and in life, in relationships and in business, successful people always ask themselves, what part am I playing in this situation? Said another way, they do not see themselves only as victims, even when they are.

10. Forget that their inner life determines their outer success.

The good life sometimes has little to do with outside circumstances. We are happy and fulfilled mostly by who we are on the inside. Research validates that. And our internal lives largely contribute to producing many of our external circumstances.

And, the converse is true: people who are still trying to find success in various areas of life can almost always point to one or more of these patterns as a reason they are repeating the same mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes…even the most successful people out there. But, what achievers do better than others is recognize the patterns that are causing those mistakes and never repeat them again. In short, they learn from pain—their own and the pain of others.

A good thing to remember is this: pain is unavoidable, but repeating the same pain twice, when we could choose to learn and do something different, is certainly avoidable. I like to say, “we don’t need new ways to fail….the old ones are working just fine!” Our task, in business and in life, is to observe what they are, and never go back to doing them again.

http://www.success.com/article/10-things-successful-people-never-do-again

These Are The Things That Make Up A Successful Person And An Unsuccessful Person

When I consider successful people, ideas of apathetic, business-orientated, intimidating people come to mind. Never before have I considered the spirit of those I consider successful, let alone imagined that successful people are actually positive, empathetic and open to those around them as this infographic from Working Moms Only suggests.

So what are the differences between successful and unsuccessful people?

Unsuccessful people tend to:

• Criticise others.
• Exude anger and a sense of entitlement.
• Blame others for their failing.
• Fear change.
• Hold grudges.

These seem pretty obvious; you’re not going to get very far if you’re too busy putting energy into disliking those around you. It’s the qualities of the successful person I find most interesting:

• They compliment, forgive and give credit to others.
• They share information and ideas with those around them.
• They embrace change and continuously learn.

These qualities are entirely different from my pre-conceived ideas of successful people! But there we have it, being nice, kind, and exuding joy and positivity will lead to a more successful life!

The Success Indicator | MaryEllen Tribby, Working Moms Only

Featured photo credit: Working Moms Only via workingmomsonly.com

BY SIOBHAN HARMER

Love this infographic? Share it with your friends!

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/these-are-the-things-that-make-successful-person-and-unsuccessful-person.html

13 Ways Successful People Deal With Toxic People

Among friends, family and co-workers, there are those whose attitudes can be demeaning and toxic. It is difficult relating to some of these people and thus it becomes a challenge. So how do we get out from the hole and be masters of our own fates?

The best way is to learn from successful people how they have approached the same role of winning the war against toxic individuals.

1. They set limits

Toxic people try to consume you and make you swim deep in their problems. They don’t want to see solutions so they can waste your time by pressuring you to join their pity party.

Successful people understand that there is a fine line between offering to listen to the problems and getting themselves involved too deep in the negative emotional twists of such complainers. That is why they set limits and distance themselves when necessary.

2. They don’t expect or request change

By expecting change, you lower your energy and create a resistance in people. Successful people do not want to be faced with a tone of disapproval, blame or rejection by a toxic person. So they simply suggest feedback and let them decide what they will do with it. They don’t demand actions or instant change.

3. They don’t get embroiled in fights

Successful people know how important it is to store energy. And when it comes to battling with a toxic person, they do well to manage their emotions.

By managing their emotions they can live to fight another day and avoid being brutally beaten. They choose their battles wisely and always pick the right time to be engaged in a fight.

4. They don’t allow anyone to restrict their happiness

Successful people do not allow other people’s opinions to determine their joy. They are masters of their own happiness.

And so, anything that is successfully accomplished and needs to be celebrated cannot be affected by what toxic people are thinking or doing.

5. They don’t forget

By not forgetting what a wrongdoer has done to them, successful people can move on and focus on protecting themselves from future harm. It is not as if forgiveness doesn’t play a part to their success, but they simply do not want to be involved in the mistakes of others.

6. They forge a support system

Successful people understand that battling toxic people alone can be exhausting. To avoid such nerve racking mental exercise, they surround themselves with people who are supportive and willing to help them during difficult situations.

7. They get some rest

They understand the need to stay positive, creative and proactive. And the way they can do this is by getting some sleep. With a well deserved rest, successful people can manage their stress levels and be recharged enough to deal effectively with toxic people.

8. They focus on solutions rather than problems

The best way to manage your emotional state is to fixate on the solutions of the problems you are facing. Successful people focus on personal development and improve their circumstances, thus their attitude produces positive emotions and reduces stress.

Instead of thinking or focusing on how crazy toxic people can be, they think of how they can handle the situation toxic individuals have presented.

9. They set barriers

You can’t deal with everyone in the same way. That is why successful people establish boundaries to rise above the negative people around them. By doing this, they can predict the actions of toxic people. This also equips them with knowing when to put up barriers with negative people and when not to.

10. They are self aware

By being self aware you are able to determine how far anyone can go before he or she pushes your buttons. Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. That is why successful people can manage situations, even when they are confronted by a derailed person. They smile, nod and move on.

11. They rise above negativity

Everyone will agree that toxic people are irrational and crazy. They cannot be reasoned with, so instead of trying to get muddled up in the mix, they focus on not responding to the frenzy and chaos, and respond only to the facts.

12. They never play the victim

While toxic people can play the field to their advantage, you are left to decide whether play the victim or not. Successful people do not allow themselves to be victimized by their emotional state, and instead focus on owning up from within to whatever negativity that surrounds them.

13. They never judge

Successful people are not judgmental. They understand that this can become addictive if they make it a habit. That is why successful people focus on other elements, such as compassion, understanding, respect and forgiveness.

Featured photo credit: http://www.photopin.com via photopin.com

BY CASEY IMAFIDON

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/13-ways-successful-people-deal-with-toxic-people.html

7 Reasons successful people have mentors and you should too

Does this sound familiar?

You have a big dream.

It’s what you were meant to do. It motivates you. It has you getting up early and staying up late.

But none of your effort seems to make a dent.

Even though you’re doing all you know to do, at the rate you’re going, you will never get where you want to be.

Maybe you are called to be a great parent or spouse.

Or, maybe you aspire to create a successful business that kicks money in your direction while you travel the world.

Either way, some of you will forever dream and some of you will be successful.

Ever wonder if there is a tool or technique that could bridge the gap between dreaming and living the dream?

Luckily, there is. It’s called mentoring.

Athletes, actors, business people, celebrity chefs, singers, authors – if you know their name, they likely have a mentor.

Ask a professional blogger if they have one.

According to The Mentor Hall of Fame, Elvis, Mick Jagger, Bill Gates and Winston Churchill all followed mentors.

If you want to be successful at anything – marriage, business, personal growth – you need a mentor.

Still not sure? Here are seven reasons why successful people have mentors and you should too.

1. They want success more than they want to be right

Have you ever been asked “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?”

This is something my mentor asked me when my husband and I were arguing too much. I was in the right. But I sure wasn’t happy.

Successful people want to be successful enough to let somebody more experienced guide them on how to move forward.

They aren’t set on feeling like the expert. They are set on becoming an expert at their own success, so they will take the advice of someone who has proven their expertise already.

2. They know the value of respectful copying

Successful people recognize what it takes to be excellent, even if they haven’t made it yet.

They know that most hurdles have already been solved.

Someone has poured their blood, sweat, and tears into inventing the lightbulb. A successful person is not going to waste their own sweat trying to do the same.
They ask how it’s done and then, apply those steps to their own goals.

They know they have blind spots that only someone outside the frame can see

“You can’t see the forest for the trees.”
“You can’t see the picture if you’re in it.”

These sayings cliche, but they’re true.

3. Successful people know they have blind spots.

They are humble enough to ask someone to look for the flaws in their thinking.

Successful people want to reach their goal badly enough that they’re willing to change.

They’re willing to work on their weaknesses so they can move forward.

4. They don’t want to fall for the Principle of Least Effort

Even the most motivated people are subject to the laws of life.

The Principle of Least Effort says that humans will try to get the most for the least, if the results are ‘good enough’.. That means that even the best will, sometimes, give mediocre effort if no one calls them on it.

One of your mentor’s jobs is to call you on it.

People who desire success let their mentor hold them accountable. They don’t want their own inclination to slow them down on their quest to reach their goal.

5. They know they need higher thinking to move forward

“We can’t solve problems by using the same level of thinking we used when we created them.” Whether Einstein really said this or not, it’s true.

Successful people carry themselves as far as they can on their own understanding.

Then they need someone else to point them to the next step. And, similar to not needing to be right, they don’t even need to understand why a strategy works to implement it. They want to understand so they can apply the strategy in other areas of life, but they don’t need to understand before moving forward.

I once heard a successful businessman and professional speaker say: “If you understood what I understand, you’d be where I am.”

6. They know a mentor can make general advice specific to their goal.

Have you ever read a personal growth book and come away knowing what you need to improve but having no idea how to actually make the change?

You’re not alone.

Of sixty arbitrarily chosen complaints about some of Amazon’s best sellers in the self-help and personal development categories, a full thirty-nine sited some version of ‘not enough practical techniques/how-to’s’ as their only disappointment.

Successful people know that someone with experience will be able to apply general success principles to their specific situation. Just like a mentor can see their blind spots, they can also see where a new principle will fit and have the best effect.

7. They know they need unbiased, consistent encouragement

To become successful, a person needs a certain amount of self-confidence.

That doesn’t mean that they never get discouraged in the face of challenges. And it certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t need encouragement.

Even the most successful need someone who knows where they are to remind them that they have what it takes to get their dreams.

I’m not talking a ‘Yes-Man’ telling them they’re awesome even when they foul things up. They need someone who will acknowledge their mistakes and remind them that they have overcome other, similar, challenges.

They need the coach who will stand over them yelling: “Again! You can do this. Get up and go again!”

Can you be mentored?

There is no doubt that successful people have a certain something.

That something is the willingness to be mentored.

Do you have the humility and the drive to ask for help in achieving your dream?

If you do, then it’s time to find a mentor, follow their direction and buckle yourself in.

Mentoring will change you, if you let it.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2015/02/7-reasons-successful-people-mentors.html