Most of us struggle with self-acceptance and look to others to help fill the void. But not only is it possible to form a solid, loving relationship with yourself, it is an essential step in creating and living a life you love.
It dawned on me earlier this week that the only person in my life who would likely not try to sabotage me on purpose is my mother. Even friends – usually the closest – have their weak points, and now and again will dip into a ‘dark’ space and spit out something nasty.
Aware that there’s something in me that reflects something in them they’re not ready to confront, I easily forgive them and move on.
But why then, as an introvert and inspired healer, do I feel so comfortable alone, in quiet contemplation, and in my art/work studio?
Reflecting on the question, I realized it is because I am my own best friend. I make myself very happy, and I’ve learned to ‘allow’ whatever is happening – usually with minimal judgement.
In the many hours I’ve spent pounding the pavement, sparking positive dialogue with my body and ambitions, I’ve learned to accept the vivacious curves and differences that set me apart from others.
It didn’t used to be like this. When I was 15, I shouted the nastiest, cruelest, most hurtful things I could imagine at my body, and I starved it to drive home the point.
When my intuition began to develop, I noticed how scared, alone, and frightened my physical vessel felt – and decided to remedy it. A few years later, I had learned that food can be our medicine, and my quest in life at that time was to form a bond and heal the relationship with my wondrous body.
It’s. Been. Years.
There have been times I’ve cried while looking in the mirror, and days I’ve danced like I’m the only individual on Earth – ecstatic to be me.
I quickly recognized that I feel happiest when I accept myself – fully, and so made it a mission to be best friends with myself. What you ask for, you will receive.
Now, reflecting on instances like those mentioned above with friends, I am more grateful than ever I made the commitment to love myself and accept all aspects fully, for I finally feel comfortable living my life. This has also inspired me to help others feel the same confidence and peace in their own lives.
As I mentioned on my blog, Bloom for Life, the only people we can control in our lives our ourselves. For this reason, it makes no sense to expect much – if anything, from others, for we will always be dissatisfied. That is the purpose behind unconditional love, for when you no longer base your happiness upon pleasing other people or certain ‘conditions’, you are free.
When you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness, you are limitless. So form that bond, love yourself, and don’t spend one more day being mad at your body – embrace every aspect of you and thrive!
Step 1: Admit What You Refuse To Acknowledge
It took four trips into the jungle to experience Ayahuasca, several spiritual retreats, countless hours of yoga, and many runs in the rain to finally feel all I had been suppressing for many years. It turns out – and seems to be the same for all of us, what we fear is the understanding of who we really are.
We’ve been told from a young age we are bad, born into this world in ‘sin’, and have to spend this life burning past karma. My biggest hurtle to loving myself was recognizing that I – all of us – are inherently good and come from the Source of all: LOVE.
It is the illusion that we are separate that causes us to create fear, but the absence of regret, expectation, wanting, jealousy, etc… is a state of being. And in that silence, is remembrance. When we can let ‘all our shi**’ surface, we give ourselves permission to face those hidden fears and be free. This is step #1.
Step #2: Get Healthy & Clean
Your body THRIVES on healthy, unprocessed, alkalizing, plant-based foods! When the body is at peace, the mind is at peace, too. Then it becomes easier to formulate positive dialogue with your vessel and – most importantly – listen.
You don’t need all the answers, for you never will know – at least on this limited plane – everything there is to be discovered. You just have to allow and accept.
Step 3: Do More YOU
What is it that lights you up inside? What kinds of activities inspire you to live fully? We’ve been taught to suppress our pleasure, but these are the kinds of activities you should be participating in every day. Create your happiness by allowing yourself to engage in activities you enjoy. Better yet? Engage friends and family members, and don’t judge their response.
The best thing you can do for others is to share the message that we each create our own happiness. Which leads to…
Step 4: Share The Love
Everyone is on a journey, and you never what trial an individual is going through by judging the exterior. Offer encouragement and kindness – expecting nothing, and you’ll form an even better relationship with yourself.
I find that when we remind even ourselves of the love and positivity we come from, a solid bond is formed with our higher selves/consciousness, that keeps us ‘in our vortex’ and continuing to spin at a higher vibration.
Many of us are afraid to show our love – another reason we cut ourselves off from happiness and create bad relationships with our bodies / selves. But why? Simply, we’re afraid of being judged and possibly rejected.
But if you have no expectations of others and decide to base your life on your perception of the present experience, you have nothing to fear. If you can recognize that everyone is on a journey, and the only occasion one might get upset with you is because you remind them of an unhappiness they haven’t yet acknowledged that still dwells within, you will never be hurt.
We’re afraid of being vulnerable, but vulnerability is where the magic happens. Outside of our comfort zone, we can learn that the feared ‘worst’ is actually a doorway to a magical experience that can help us love deeper, explore more, and embrace all aspects of ourselves, and, in effect, life.
Love yourself, and choose to become your own best friend. <3
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