I've come to embrace the unpredictability, chaos, and beauty of it all, which has led to profound happiness. Though, trust me, it wasn't always this way.
I had to learn how to utilize divine guidance, listen to my intuition, and grow from my experiences to create the life I love.
I've been gradually feeling, seeing, hearing, and dreaming of Spirit since I was 5 years old, but I wasn't able to truly understand what I sensed or make practical use of it until later in life. My earliest experiences occurred at my uncle's house, where I simply sensed a presence in the basement that made me want to bolt upstairs—it was jarring to feel that "someone" was with me whom I visibly couldn't see.
During my grade-school years, I began dreaming about enormous, magnificent angels. In my early teens, when my friend Lori and I were at a wedding together, at one point she looked to me as if she were engulfed by a misty gray cloud or aura. I never said a word about it to anyone, but the next day, I was devastated when my mom told me Lori had died from a sudden illness. I'd seen it coming in a way, and the gravity of this realization weighed on me.
My abilities continued to open and expand into my late teens, and thankfully the large majority of them were positive and fun. I dreamed of other time periods in France and Italy that I believe were past lives. And when close family members died, they'd playfully pay me a visit. I remember gathering for Sunday dinners with my living family and seeing deceased loved ones at the table, too! It had become increasingly clear that I had a stronger intuition than the average bear, and the more I accepted it, the more Spirit validated it.
Most of the women in my mom's family are, or were while they were alive, psychic to varying degrees, so I was taught to embrace my random experiences and abilities as part of who I am. And around the age of 18, Mom went to see a psychic medium named John Edward, and during her reading, he told her that I, too, was a medium who hadn't learned to hone her skills yet.
I began to search for more information about what lay ahead of me, but I couldn't get a handle on how one is meant to hone any intuitive ability, much less spin it into a fulfilling life.
I tried using tarot cards, but I couldn't get them to work. I meditated every day, hoping for an epiphany or vision, but I saw only the backs of my eyelids. I attended a few Spiritualist events, but at that age, I couldn't relate to their woo-woo vibe. Back in the real world, I was in my 20s, working long hours in the retail industry and going out at night.
By my mid-20s, I put my spiritual search aside, got married, and gave birth to a gorgeous daughter and son. I loved playing house and adored everything about being a mother and wife, but when I hit my 30s, my happiness began to shift. I faced frustrating health issues, threw myself into more activities than I could manage, and realized that beyond loving and living for my kids, I was trying to busy myself because life felt a bit empty.
Yet no matter how blue I felt, I knew deep inside that my muted and mixed-up day-to-day existence was not my fate. I knew I wasn't living true to myself.
A still, small voice inside said it was time to turn to God in a new way—at least for me. I began to pray. A lot. Since I wasn't raised with religion, I didn't know exactly what to say or how to address Him; I just did what came naturally. I joined a church, nourished my belief system, and found a lot of peace in the church's structure and community. As all this unfolded, I felt divine guidance at work; each step came with a soft prod to keep going and a sense that everything was going to be OK—maybe not immediately ideal but doable. I know now that having sudden good ideas, feeling drawn to uncanny choices, and receiving calm validations that you're on the right track are all ways that Spirit leads you through intuition.
It was right around this time that our family went through a terrible tragedy: the sudden death of my father-in-law, James. Through the confusion, grief, and emotional displacement, I had faith, asked for guidance, and acted on the direction I felt. As I began to try to make sense of it all, I met a spiritual teacher from Long Island named Pat Longo. During our visit, I shared my entire history with Pat, including my premonitions and dreams. She asked if I could "hear Spirit," and I had no idea what she meant. Once in a while I'd hear an audible voice when I was the only person in the room, but I didn't chat up ghosts all day.
"Spirit comes in your own voice," she clarified, further explaining that souls mostly use our instincts and inner voice to communicate with us. That's when, out of nowhere, I heard my own inner voice say, "Mention the A-name"—and when I repeated it to Pat, she said her deceased mom's name is Alice.
Pat took this psychic validation as a cue to perform a healing on me. She asked me to close my eyes and she placed her hands over my body. This process can also open intuitive doorways, so to speak, which is what happened next. "Tell me if you see, hear, or feel anything," Pat said.
I told her I felt a peacefulness wash over me. My eyes were shut, but I saw purple, blue, and green waves swirling around like a lava lamp in my third eye. (Mom would be proud!) Pat said the colors corresponded to the awakening of my chakras: Purple represents spiritual awareness, my third eye expanding, and the ability to see clairvoyantly. Blue symbolizes my ability to communicate and express myself. And green stands for my capacity to offer compassion, love, and healing to others.
After doing her thing, Pat moved across the room so I could sit alone with my eyes still closed. This is fun but kind of nuts, I thought—and remembering this now, I can almost hear my angels and spirit guides laugh, saying "You ain't seen nothin' yet!"
Every one of us has a Universal Team of Spirit, including angels, spirit guides, departed loved ones, religious deities, and other evolved souls who help you maneuver through life's ups and downs. It was my own team that helped me move forward. And as I did, they taught me to Believe, Ask, and Act—three simple and powerful steps that honed my intuition, set change in motion, and cleared roadblocks that stood in my way to happiness.
No matter what challenges I face, these valuable steps are the reason I wake up every day thinking, I've got this!
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