So you’ve been thinking a lot about your relationship recently … or perhaps the topic has been lurking in the back of your mind.
“How great is my relationship compatibility,” you might ask on a deep secret level, “... am I wasting my time and squandering my effort?”
This subject might echo through the caverns of your soul and stir up feelings of dread, fear, guilt, but also potentially excitement, intrigue, and curiosity. After all, our Soul is always seeking the path of expansion whether we like it or not, and although it can be catastrophic to end a relationship that is not compatible with our needs, there is always an underlying sensation of relief, freedom, and even bliss.
Have you ever thought much about your relationship compatibility before? Have you ever wondered whether your relationship is really worth keeping – or not worth the effort? Keep reading.
How to Predict Your Relationship Compatibility Using These 10 Signs
There are few things as tragic as destroying a thing of beauty. And sometimes when we have a thing of beauty in our lives, it’s very difficult for us to appreciate it, or even realize its existence before it’s too late. Our myopic and short-sighted appreciation of what we have is largely a product of stress, mistaken beliefs, and core wounds.
So right now I invite you to take a step out of the narrow lens through which you might be perceiving your life, and your partner. Instead of being a judger, try to be an observer who acknowledges both sides of the equation (your side and their side).
Keeping this in mind, let’s look at the defining characteristics of a healthy, beneficial, and conscious relationship.
1. You are both equals.
Even though you have fights and slip-ups, you are still both equals in the relationship. You don’t feel superior to your partner, and your partner doesn’t feel elevated above or “better than” you: you are both on the same page, even though that page may be riddled with scribbles and tears.
2. You are both willing to compromise in healthy ways.
There isn’t just one person in your partnership constantly sacrificing their desires or preferences; both of you are willing to compromise in ways that benefit both of you.
3. You are heard, not just listened to.
There is a difference between hearing and listening: hearing is the process of actively understanding what a person is telling you and getting involved, and listening is the process of allowing words to enter your ears, but not necessary emotionally or mentally contributing. When you hear your partner, and your partner hears you, there is a mutual bond of respect. However, when one partner only listens and the other partner hears (or worse, both partners only listen), there is immense imbalance, and likely a loss of respect.
4. You both try your best to resolve conflicts.
Even though you might not be the best at communicating, or the best at making up, you always try your best to resolve conflicts – as does your partner. You might shout, scream, or make a fuss at each other, but at the end of the day you try to move past your differences and agree to disagree. However, one sign of a toxic, incompatible relationship is dragging on past conflicts into the present. When one (or both) partners “keep a count” of all the wrongdoings the other has inflicted on them, this is a red flag. When conflicts are drawn out, this is a sign that there is an underlying bitterness in one or both partners that springs from a lack of forgiveness. If left unchecked, this can evolve into deep resentment.
5. You celebrate each other’s achievements.
If you succeed, achieve or win something, your partner is quick to congratulate you and celebrate alongside you – and vice versa. However, one sign of an incompatible relationship is withholding your happiness for your partner’s achievements, and instead criticizing them, belittling them, “one-upping” them, or returning mock enthusiasm. If you experience this (or give this) in your relationship, consider it a red flag.
6. You both freely give affection to each other.
Affection in your relationship is freely given in a spontaneous manner. Affection isn’t doled out in small measured portions, or used as a bargaining chip (i.e. "I offer sex if you do this for me"), or otherwise used to manipulate or control your partner, and vice versa. Affection is the sacred glue that binds you both together.
7. You can be honest with your partner.
You don’t fear your partner, and you partner doesn’t fear you; instead, you both feel comfortable enough to be honest, forthcoming and transparent with each other. Even though your partner might get angry at you (or you at your partner), you can nevertheless give and receive the truth openly among each other. Punishment in the form of silent treatment, emotional blackmail, or physical harm is a big red flag. Secrecy is also another glaring sign of an unhealthy, incompatible relationship.
8. Authenticity is encouraged in your relationship.
Both of you can be genuine and authentic, and openly pursue what you love without hindrances of any kind. If you feel as though you have a lot of space to grow in your relationship, this is a good sign. However, if you feel smothered, controlled, repressed or barred-in, this is a bad sign.
9. You both invite growth and change.
Although you both might hate to admit your flaws and weaknesses, you are both open to growing as people and becoming the best versions of yourselves possible. However, if one or both partners stubbornly refuses to grow, this is an unhealthy sign. Also, if your partner is forcing you to change (and vice versa), this is a red flag as well.
10. You share the same life goals and values with each other.
How solid is the relationship on which your relationship is built? Is it built on superficial tastes, likes, or personality characteristics? Or is it built on a deeper foundation of shared values, goals, and beliefs? Your answer to this question will determine the depth, compatibility, and potential for long-term growth your relationship has.
What do you think?
How many signs in this article have you been able to meet, or not meet? How high or low is your relationship compatibility? Perhaps while reading this article you experienced a series of uncomfortable and disturbing feelings – or even a sigh of relief. Whatever the case, sit still with your emotions and process them. Don’t hide them away or repress them; open to them, and they will reveal the answer to you.
You are more than welcome to share your discoveries, thoughts and feelings about relationship compatibility below.
Photo by: Cesar Poyatos
By Aletheia Luna
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